I was reading lately about stress and anxiety and things that go wrong and the effect of things that go wrong and being bogged down and feeling bogged down and… wait, I’m sorry, what were we talking about? Oh, yeah… reading.
Okay, so I was reading an article recently and it called for the reader to do an activity, you know like one of those McCall’s “are you compatible with your mate” type of things but this was more of a “are you compatible with you” sort of thing. The activity was to write down all the events that had caused an excess of stress in your life in recent years. Once you had your list, you were then to take each event separately and try to assess how you differed before the event and after the event.
I reluctantly reached for a piece of paper and a pen and began my inventory, half-way through I started laughing at the events that had taken place… I’m sure this wasn’t the outcome the author was hoping for. But still… there was laughter on my end. I finished my inventory and gazed at the paper that held so many traumatic, un-fun, life-changing, sucky things — the same paper I had just laughed at — and I cried, a little. Then I wadded it up and threw it away. Not out of any life-affirming-zen-moment-metaphoric exercise… just because I didn’t need the reminder of the things that have transpired staring up at me from a piece of paper… I live with them, tucked away in the (not so) far reaches of my mind.
About 6 times a week, I see a car that is an exact replica to my mother’s car and inadvertently there is always an older woman peering over the steering wheel with sunglasses on — I always stare a little too long. About 5 times a week I look at a picture of my father that is perched above my sun-visor in my car — it’s him, looking just the way a memory should be. About 4 times a week, I open up the drawer where I put my dog’s collar after she passed away — she was such a sweet friend. About 3 times a week, I ride down a particular road that holds a sign in remembrance to a policeman who was killed in the line of duty. That same policeman had, just two months before he was killed, wrapped his arms around me and comforted me as I had just unsuccessfully performed CPR on a 9 year-old boy. About twice a week I read blogs and comments written by people I admire and look up to but don’t know at all. Everyday I walk around a house that was to be a dream home that now I can’t get out of fast enough. At least once a week I look back on posts I’ve written and the comments that were left by people who may never return. My “life event inventory” had filled up the last couple of years. So… I threw it away.
And… I didn’t feel better when I did. There was no life-affirming breath of fresh air propelling me to carry-on. Just a crumbled up piece of paper with some really sucky things on it. But… there was this…
I made another list. Things I needed to do the next day — just one day of events I needed to do. Here’s some of that list:
- help a child with autism
- help a teacher of a child with autism
- make dinner with my son
- cuddle with my daughter
- wash my car
- read a book
- say “I’m sorry”… again
- call my sister
- go to dinner with my best friend
- drink wine (and enjoy it)
- run
That was my one day list of things I needed to do — and I did them all. That made me take notice of this life — it made me appreciate the events that are yet to come. It made me stop wishing for a different outcome and start working towards a different outcome — it’s never too late for a happy ending, and I’m holding out for a really sappy one.
What about you? Any sappy endings you want to share?
I’ve added something new to the tool bar on the right. It’s called Daily Mile. I log the amount of exercise I’m doing each day and keep you posted on any upcoming races I’m entering and you can send me encouragement for my journey! Click the link and give it a try!
…and of course, some music. I love David Gray and listening to him explain how he came about to write this particular song has intrigued me immensely.
I was thinking as I started reading that writing it down would upset me, but then I was thinking that was part of the “exercise”.
I know that you have been through some really hard times recently, and I am sorry that you have suffered all that loss and pain.
But I threw down my pom-poms today (I am letting them rest) because I felt like you were your own sparkly cheerleader today!!! I am just clapping while you do all the cheering for yourself. I love this post. I am so amazed by you.
You are awesome! Yay B!!!!!
I’m a work in progress Terre — thanks for sticking around to see the progress… if not the finished product. 😉
I think the purpose of the “exercise” was to look at stress factors and determine your health before and after and then move from there… I didn’t actually follow through.
Thanks for being here!
We are all a work in progress.
I think that “exercise” would have had a bad affect on my health! 🙂
Ha! Yes — not all exercises are healthy.
I wish I could drink wine and enjoy it. How exactly do you do that? I would like to enjoy beer too.
Okay… ummm, when are you returning from sunny CA? I will bring wine and a beer chaser!
I think the company that you are with makes the wine more enjoyable because last night I had the BEST wine in the world with Cindy!
You’re next girlfriend!
I like making lists. But oddly, I’ve never made a list of things that have happened to me or that I’ve gone through, and assessed them. I think I’d probably do as you did; write them down then toss them. I prefer your second list. I once saw that kind of list refered to as a “glad to do” list (rather than simply a “to do” list). The “glad” part is a reminder that we have the strength, the good health, the love, to do these things. For not-so-fun or boring stuff (e.g., take daughter to dentist), we can be thankful we have family to do these things for. This wasn’t where I was orgionally going with these comments, but oh well. As always, I have found something I connect to in your writing/thoughts B, and I’m grateful.
Ha! That made me laugh that your comment strayed from your original path — that makes me strangely happy that we can do that… think we are moving in one direction but then it changes without warning, maybe for the better (because I love your comment!).
I like the daily list too — I need to do that more often and not just when I’m spurred on by a bad memory.
Thanks Sue!
Great post B! Wow, I wonder what that would feel like, to write everything down. Hmm, our lives are written on our faces, in our hearts, carried around in our heads but to put them down into words that we would be forced to stare at and reconcile – that’s a great exercise actually. Scary of course, but getting past crappy sucky things is usually scary and hard. I may need to try that (one of these days). I love your one day list, and that you did it all. Sometimes you need to focus on the now and move forward, sometimes you need to reflect on the past to reconcile and heal. Today (or yesterday b/c I’m late), was a day to move forward for you, and yay you, you did! xox :o)
I love this comment c — it flows like poetry, I think I will steal it for a new post.
It was scary to write down some of those things… especially the ones that weren’t blog worthy, but I think, for me, I need a certain amount of reconciliation before I can fully move forward on things. I think people, in general, need to reconcile in order to proceed. and… I had a great time last night, just one thing missing — my friend from WA. 😉
Excellent post, Becky! I absolutely loved your list of things to do 🙂
I thought about writing a list after reading somewhere an article a while back about life inventory and came to the conclusion that:
a. there were too many difficulties and then I almost wasn’t, and even since I’ve been through too many hard times and flat out scary happenings which I don’t need a reminder of… I remember each one as if they happened yesterday.
b. moving on is the thing I need to focus on and not get hung up in the past even though some of the reasons I’m stressed out many times are living in the same apartment as I am.
I agree that moving on is key to happiness, but… I think that reconciliation is necessary. Maybe that’s just me, I hope not. But, hopefully, you,me,we, all of us are able to learn from the past and to reflect and to heal. Sometimes moving forward requires looking back.
Thanks Estrella
My somewhat elderly cat had his first encounter with a skunk last week. It shot him dead in the chest and left him frantic to escape the smell of himself. After lots of washing, lots and lots of washing, and a reviving dose of smelly food to get the horrors of skunk out of his nose and throat, he finally, yesterday, hopped up to sit with me in the chair. Not quite like usual – he still smells, a bit. I know it, and he knows it. When he gets warm enough, and the smell gets bad, he hops down to wander around and try to get away from the stink, still.
But then he comes back.
I absolutely love that story!
Thank you for giving me a smile tonight.
Such a beautiful post.
Thank you Meredith!
Love seeing you here — now… go run! 😉
Your life-event list, sounds somewhat similar to how mine would be. Add in a hurricane, two houses, and well… Mine would make me cry. There’s no way I could finish that.
I make one day lists too, and just do them. It really does help just to get through that day. Sometimes, it’s all we can do. Other days, I just sit and look back on all that has happened, and go holy cow. It’s all I can do.
HUGS.
Yes… some days I don’t want to do anything. Those are the days I always try to get a list for “right now” going.
It makes me feel strangely okay that others have the “holy cow” days — thank you for sharing.