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Posts Tagged ‘Friendship’

Hello everyone!
I know I’ve been absent from the blogging world for a while, I’ve been busy… pointing myself in the right direction, editing my first book (which is actually a memoir of the last five years but when I say memoir I cringe a bit), and getting my mind and body to connect in a healthy way. I’ve also been training for my first ever 1/2 marathon! Yay!
The marathon is September 28th, in Nashville. Which brings me to this post.
Many of you know about my friend, Lisa Bonchek Adams, who has been diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer. Lisa is an amazing woman and mother and wife and friend and on top of all of that, she is a hell of a writer. She has been blogging about her experience with cancer for several years and now she talks about the reality of her diagnosis.
I am raising money in Lisa’s honor for the Sloan-Kettering Cancer Research Center specifically to support research in metastatic breast cancer.

Pease follow the link below and check out my giving page, and make a donation to show your support for Lisa… and for me. (more…)

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i stand at the edge of the world and i jump and i soar higher and higher

… and then
a tug
a pull
i am unable to move forward
my leap was so high and so far and the wall that floats around in the between places of what we are and what we can be is there, just ahead

… and then
it starts in my feet
they cease their movement
i begin to float slowly back to the edge
a rope lassoed to my legs tugging me
tugging me
my arms try to swim through the open air
try to propel me onward towards that wall

… and then
the struggle takes all my strength
my arms keep moving and flailing and i can see that gravity is wrapped around me and every time i move it tangles me up more and i am moving and struggling and lurching and forgetting to pause

… and then
i inhale and fill my lungs and i exhale
inhale
exhale
repeating repeating repeating
i caress the pause like a forgotten lover coming to ease my mind

… and then
i am free
i am floating to that wall with my hand stretched out my fingers extended reaching past the safety of who i am

… and then
i pause, looking at both sides because both sides are equally beautiful and filled with the dreams of an awake mind

… and then
i jump into the middle of who i can be but the wall between the two has dissolved
the struggle has faded
the sadness of gravity has released me to move freely

so i do

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the trouble with landmines,

you constantly look where your feet are planted,
the direction your toes are pointing,
you’ve navigated these fields before.
they try to stay hidden,
but your eyes are wide now,
you see them underneath the dandelions and the clover.

the trouble with landmines,

you pause just to hear the explosion,
quieting your breath to hear the snap of the trigger,
you brace for the blast.
blocking your movement in all directions,
zigging here but zagging there,
never a straight line.

the trouble with landmines,

you focus on the boom and not on your breath.

defuse them with a perfectly placed pause.

you can sit and wait,
you can run unafraid,
you can do both,
you should do both,

to avoid the trouble with landmines.

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lightning strikes
i cover my eyes
weaving its way through the cracks
in front of us all
shouting at the storm
we steady ourselves on your words

lightning strikes
the waves start to crest
we close our eyes and dive
unafraid
we see you walking on the ocean
our beacon
our breath

lightning strikes
sudden and full of anger
we are unafraid
linking arms because together we are strong
and you
shouting at the storm
a chorus of screams building behind you

lightning strikes
trembling and wet
the waves beat us relentlessly
and still we stay
facing the storm
and you
in front of us all
walking on the ocean

I wrote this poem for a dear friend, Lisa Bonchek Adams, who recently found out she has metastatic breast cancer. She is sharing her story with all of us here — you need to read her, it will change you forever.

I also started a facebook page for her that I am inviting everyone to join called, The Adventures of Flat Lisa, so that we all can take her on our adventures or our daily lives. We are all truly connected in this world, so share yourself.

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this is for the confused girl who sits at the table farthest from the window,
the one who orders her coffee without looking at the barista with his spiked hair and his milky skin, the one who sits without looking around, her full attention to the world just outside the window, never to the world that surrounds her.

this is for the hapless mother who forgot how to smile, the one who wakes every morning but can’t remember why, the one who sits up late when everyone else is asleep because it’s the only time she feels she can escape, she’ll lose herself in the pages of a book and dream of the places conjured by someone else’s imagination and she’ll forget how green her grass is.

this is for the friends who lost touch because someone said something a long time ago, their thoughts return to a time when they laughed but their hands never dial the phone, their fingers never push send on the apologetic email, they stay locked in the need for righteous indignation and they try to push back the memories of a forgotten time and they each are left with fading bits of yesterday.

this is for the daughter who wants so bad to be seen, a glance of recognition that never comes, the repeating scenes to prove herself that never work, the ongoing attempts to gain a love that is hidden from view, she becomes lost in the effort to be loved and misses the love being thrown at her from all directions by the people who see her in all her beautiful mess.

this is for the ones who open their eyes
this is for the ones who remember to breathe
this is for the ones who break themselves open
this is for the ones who hear the music
this is for the ones who feel
this is for the ones who love

this is for all of us who stare logic in the face and dare to defy it, we grab hold of our imperfections and hoist them over our heads for all to see, we willingly give our hearts to be broken again and again because broken hearts can heal, we tell ourselves we are awake and unafraid because soon we will believe it, we choose to revive the parts of us we thought were dead and we love with our whole heart and we watch as logic collides with the world spinning around us and we dance… to keep from falling.

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the moon is bloated with the thoughts being cast its direction tonight,
so many people staring up at the same sky,
we’re alone,
until that moment we realize we’re not,
that moment we see the moon hovering above with all the thoughts of complicated beings just like us.

we think a touch can’t heal a broken heart,
a glance can’t fill an empty soul,
a laugh can’t scare away the lingering darkness of nightmares.
we think we are useless.
we listen to our lies.

the moon hangs in the sky daring us to stare and be cradled in its glow,
it creates a path out of darkness,
we follow,
it leads us deeper into the night,
shining on the brokenness of the others gathered there.

we can’t mend the torn stories in our mind,
playing doctor with each thought before we let it loose,
we crave wholeness,
clinging to the pieces we should have thrown away,
we listen to our lies.

the moon slips behind a lingering cloud,
we hold the fading light in our open hand,
we are still,
hoping the glow will brush back the night,
all of us staring at the same sky.

we pause.
we listen.
we offer silence and hope and understanding.
we gather the broken pieces and the scattered truths and the hushed epiphanies.
we stare at the bloated moon.
we listen to each others lies.
we brush them away.
we leave them behind.
we grab our complicated stories.
we ignore the lies we tell ourselves.

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look across the open distance
a light
glowing
leading us to where it is
showing us everything in our path we have no worry from the things we can not see because the light is always there never fading bringing us back on course when we sway too far but even the light knows we have to walk in the darkness, alone, sometimes

… and yet
when we are standing under the light we can only see what is close and we are afraid to look past into the unknown of that darkness because there are things waiting for us out there

underneath the light it looks different
faint
small
the light only reaches those few feet in front of us
we squint and make our eyes small to see just a little further we force our eyes wide open hoping we can see past the barrier the light has created with the darkness so careful to stay in the boundary of that light because the darkness overpowers us and strips us of the want to move rooting our feet in the ground below we are powerless to move beyond

… and yet
from this distance we can see there is nothing to be afraid of and the things that frighten us stay away from the courage that leads us forward, always forward

the beauty of the distant light
calming
drawing us near
we navigate the obstacles in the path leaving the barriers behind we are not moths drawn to a flame we are strong complicated beings moving forward through the often darkened path sometimes afraid but courage is born from the fear that so often halted us now we will soar to the distant light, alone, sometimes

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Thank you Hyde Park Poetry Rally!

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