When there’s nothing left to burn… you have to set yourself on fire.
I’ve seen this quote many times. I’ve never understood it. I googled it to see if that would help me. It didn’t. I found out that it is a lyric in a song and that it is loosely tied to a young Czechoslovakian martyr who set himself on fire to protest the Soviet-led invasion of 1968. But what does it mean?
Recently, my journey has taken many twists. I have leaped and there was no net to catch me. I stepped out onto the path of the unknown and found myself lost in the dark. It was scary and it was exhilarating and it was breath-taking. I’ve cried and I’ve laughed and I’ve assessed the damages that I caused and the damages that others should take ownership of.
I attempted to draw back into my shell. I attempted to rebuild walls that were torn down. I attempted to harden my heart so no more pain could ever seep in. And when I looked around at the mess I was standing in, I was alone — and nothing had changed. Then I realized there were cracks in the mortar and it’s always that one small unassuming crack that allows the most beautiful of sunshine in — and there I was, allowing the sun to peek through the cracks and pull me up again. And it occurred to me… what it means — “when there’s nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire”, it means this — all of it. You have to put your whole being into something if you want it to change, if you want to succeed, if you want to move-on in the journey.
I don’t want to search for any more excuses as to why what I want doesn’t matter. I don’t want to look for any other reasons as to why my wishes are less important than anyone else’s. We all should get a say as to what happens in our lives… in our journey’s. If I want something, that matters too. If you want to write a book, just do it. If you want to sing a song, get on with it. If you want to dance, get out of your chair. If you want to love and laugh and feel, open yourself up. Set yourself on fire.
So, I’m here. Letting go of those who toy with my emotions, holding tight to those who recognize my friendship, moving past the situations that reduce me to tears and laugh at me while I’m on the ground. I am here… writing words in a blog that should probably stay hidden. I am here, making new friends and making plans with old ones. I am here, saving a seat for those of you who want to be on the front row. I am here, learning… just learning.
I am here, setting myself on fire because there is nothing left to burn… and I like the way it hurts.
You realize! Now begins the doing! And it’s never quite what you think. You rock, B.
“Now begins the doing” — I like that. I like that a lot. I’m going to type that out and put it where I can see it everyday.
Thank you!
Yes. This. Proud of you. So proud.
Thank you Lydia — your words when so much to me. I love that you’re proud — so simple yet so meaningful.
I see so much of me in your story, in your responses. I love you, Becky.
That makes me smile — big sappy one-dimpled smile.
I love you too!
Thank you.
Ahhh…I love your “do it” attitude! It’s amazing how something huge can open up our eyes to what we really want to do. I’ve made several ” do it” decisions – going back to school (that was rough) and then living my dream – photography.
You’ll soar – that’s just who you are. You’ll do it and do it well my friend.
Your photography is amazing.
I think there comes a point when you just have to get on with it —
and you have gotten on with it beautifully!
Thank you T!!
*So Proud of You Hugs* {Lydia said it perfectly}
I love you. Thank you. Save me a seat.
Front row Dani.
🙂
Thank you.
You have put into words what I am trying to do as well. It is too easy to become discouraged in life. Sometimes it feels as if the world is trying to pull me down. I would like to think that over the years I have perfected my “I don’t give a shit” attitude. But, it is really just a front because I do care what people think. Friends who I thought had my back, disappeared when I needed them most. New friends became fierce supporters in their place and helped to lift me up.
I’m sorry, I got off track there. Yes Becky, it is time to dance, to live life and to love. Enjoy the journey!
Thanks for not keeping this private. Reading your blog has sometimes been painful because it has been reflective of my own journey. But it has also inspired me to not give up my own personal dreams.
I liked your getting off track Mary — sounded like the beginnings of a blog post 😉
I can’t wait to read your dreams Mary!
Thank you for being so supportive — I hope to return the favor some day.
I had to smile there Becky. You read it correctly. It started to feel like a blog post to me as I was writing, rather than a comment. So I cut it off, abruptly. I don’t need to hash it out. I need to get over it and move forward. And as I am killing that particular blog, I would have had no place to put it even if I did write it as a blog post.
I read your piece here as an attempt to move forward. In doing so, it is necessary to leave the past and former you behind. Just take you good and positive things and leave the negativity behind. Among the positive things that you will take are the lessons learned from the perceived failures. But, in writing that, I know that it is not an easy thing to do.
But, whatever you do, don’t go back into your shell. I think I have spent the majority of my life in one. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, especially you.
😉
I want to sit in the front row with you! Thank you for sharing this with us. You inspire me to write honestly, be brave, and set myself on fire (metaphorically).
Ha! Yes — metaphorically is important.
Thank you — you are so inspiring yourself… you are always welcomed to a front row seat in my journey.
Having you say I inspire you is a true honor.
“So, I’m here. Letting go of those who toy with my emotions, holding tight to those who recognize my friendship, moving past the situations that reduce me to tears and laugh at me while I’m on the ground. I am here…”
Love and God Bless, your friend!!!
Thank you!
The best comment I could leave was written by somebody else:
“Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”
Anthem, Leonard Cohen
Thank you Cassie — that is a wonderful comment.
So glad to see you here — I’ve been enjoying your blog but sometimes can’t find the right words to comment… maybe today since I’m “on fire” and all. 😉
B. You are such an amazing person, that I know you will soar above the trees, leap and catch yourself when needed. That is the gift of self, and you are so getting there. I may need directions when I am ready to venture out into the world in my own quest, so save them for me will you? I can’t really add to what has been said, but to echo them with a YES! HEAR, HEAR! and to say that I am glad we are friends, and glad that this blog is not private. I have learned so much about myself and you through these first pages, that I cannot imagine life before them and you. I will be here – front and center for the rest of the fabulous story that is you.
xo #blove
I was going to say that you are the crack that let the sun in but… you’re the sun!
xoxo #clove
Your seat has a “permanent reserved” sign on it.
Thank you!
XOXOXOXO #thatisall
I set myself on fire once. It involved a toilet and a lit match. It was pretty darn scary. 😉
I just fell to the floor in a fit of laughter!
When are you getting back in town? Better yet… I’ll just come to CA and I’ll bring matches — we can use your toilet seat.
Becky ~
Reading your recent piece [‘Setting Yourself on Fire’] was just what I needed! I’ve just returned from a 12-day cruise to several Baltic Sea countries/ports-of-call…am, and now trying to restart my “balance and prioritize” life’s philosophy!
——
I wanted to share one very inspirational moment during our trip: A lady (sixtyish) shared her personal recollections of what it was like when the Russians came to her town of Gdansk, Poland in the late 1970s. Anyone who didn’t support the Communist Party was arrested, and given 3 hours to pack what they could carry and report for deportation (via truck and cattle-style railcar) to a communist prison camp in Siberia.
She personally survived about 4 years in the political prisoner camp, and earned her return to Poland through her subtle, but legal resistance efforts. She NEVER gave up on resisting communism and fighting for freedom.
Before leaving the Siberian detention camp, her group successfully smuggled a “congratulations” message (written on a piece of silk) to U.S. President Ronald Reagan after he had just won re-election for a second four-year term.
Shortly thereafter (in 1989), Pres. Reagan challenged: “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this [Berlin] Wall!”
Due to this woman’s group of Polish resisters, and of course, many others (notably, Lech Walensa -“Solidarity” movement founder)…the Berlin Wall WAS torn down.
——–
My wife and I visited Berlin also, and saw several remnants of the Berlin Wall…seeing it in person affected me the same way as when I visited the U.S. Holocaust Museum (Washington, DC)…I had to sit down and CRY…recollecting all the associated tortures/deaths. Their long struggle finally gave millions of Eastern Europeans their freedom from communistic practices they fought so hard to win!
——–
A long commentary, but, I wanted you to know, Becky, that your published challenge spoke to me in a very personal and motivational way! The result: sharing an inspirational recollection of my own with you and your readers!
Blessings,
Bruce Heleniak (Polish ancestry…near Poznan)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That is a great story — I feel very honored that you shared it here on “First Pages”.
Thank you for being here and taking the time to read. I’m so humbled that my post sparked that memory for you.
Thank you so much and I hope you return here!
Fabulous post! Your fire revealed your talent to me, and your talent burns so bright. BRAVA!
Thank you very much! I hope some talent showed through the pissed off angst. 😉
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment!
Hope to see you here again.
Love this! Lovely and inspiring. 😉 Great post, Becky! ❤
Thank you Jordan — it always makes me smile when you’re here and leaving nice comments because YOU are an incredible writer!
Thank you!!
Yes! Onward and upward. Always.
Onward and Upward it is!
Thank you for being here Marisa.
I love the “setting yourself on fire” philosophy. This is one of my favourite quotes:
On some hill of despair
the bonfire
you kindle can light the great sky—
though it’s true, of course, to make it burn
you have to throw yourself in …”
Galway Kinnell – Another Night in the Ruins
Thank you so much for reading and commenting.
This was a really emotional post for me so I’m so glad you were here — that feels really good.
I love that quote and will now go google the rest of that!
Becky,
I love reading your blogs. Thank you for sharing yourself with us and your journey. You are an amazing woman and I’m glad to call you my friend. You will come out of this stronger, wiser and happier. I’ve been on that journey and I know there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Love ya!
Stacie
Yay! Dr. Stacie’s here! I love it when you (physical world friends) come over here and read and comment — world’s collide and it’s great!
Thank you for such an encouraging comment and I’m glad we found each other and are friends.
PS — I’m ready for another FNSC!
[…] to follow this quote has made for some troublesome twists in my journey. But, recently I decided to “set myself on fire” and I think, for me, one of the things that means is letting go of my constant need to know, to […]
I want to be on the front row watching you blossom. Set yourself on fire, girl, and watch the world around you light up.
Ha! I like the way that sounds!
Thanks Laurette.
I first heard the quote in the Stars’ song and it’s stuck with me since. Funny thing about the moral of the quote is that I keep having to learn the lesson over and over again. For all my desire to change, for all the ways I’ll work at it, it always comes back to me and something that I need to change within myself.
I don’t have a tattoo, but if I were to get one, it would be this phrase. I was online looking for a visual representation of this phrase when I found your post.
Your post reminds me of another lyric quote:
“Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in”
–“Anthem” Leonard Cohen
Be well.
I love that lyric… I’ve read it many times and tried to see what it means to me. I think I might know, now.
Thank you for coming here and reading and commenting.
Yes… the change I need is in me, time to look at myself.
Thanks.
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