Setting Yourself On Fire

When there’s nothing left to burn… you have to set yourself on fire.

I’ve seen this quote many times. I’ve never understood it. I googled it to see if that would help me. It didn’t. I found out that it is a lyric in a song and that it is loosely tied to a young Czechoslovakian martyr who set himself on fire to protest the Soviet-led invasion of 1968. But what does it mean?

Recently, my journey has taken many twists. I have leaped and there was no net to catch me. I stepped out onto the path of the unknown and found myself lost in the dark. It was scary and it was exhilarating and it was breath-taking. I’ve cried and I’ve laughed and I’ve assessed the damages that I caused and the damages that others should take ownership of.

I attempted to draw back into my shell. I attempted to rebuild walls that were torn down. I attempted to harden my heart so no more pain could ever seep in. And when I looked around at the mess I was standing in, I was alone — and nothing had changed. Then I realized there were cracks in the mortar and it’s always that one small unassuming crack that allows the most beautiful of sunshine in — and there I was, allowing the sun to peek through the cracks and pull me up again. And it occurred to me… what it means — “when there’s nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire”, it means this — all of it. You have to put your whole being into something if you want it to change, if you want to succeed, if you want to move-on in the journey.

I don’t want to search for any more excuses as to why what I want doesn’t matter. I don’t want to look for any other reasons as to why my wishes are less important than anyone else’s. We all should get a say as to what happens in our lives… in our journey’s. If I want something, that matters too. If you want to write a book, just do it. If you want to sing a song, get on with it. If you want to dance, get out of your chair. If you want to love and laugh and feel, open yourself up. Set yourself on fire.

So, I’m here. Letting go of those who toy with my emotions, holding tight to those who recognize my friendship, moving past the situations that reduce me to tears and laugh at me while I’m on the ground. I am here… writing words in a blog that should probably stay hidden. I am here, making new friends and making plans with old ones. I am here, saving a seat for those of you who want to be on the front row. I am here, learning… just learning.

I am here, setting myself on fire because there is nothing left to burn… and I like the way it hurts.

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