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Archive for the ‘Badass Courage’ Category

Hiya First Pagers!

It’s been a while, I know.

I so very deeply love the community that has developed here over the years… we’ve shared much.

I haven’t been blogging for a while because I needed to reconnect with my 3d world, although I’ve missed this space you’ve helped to create.

Summer is approaching which means I’ll have time to let all my creative juices start juicing… or something like that.

In the meantime…  here’s a little video to let you know what has been happening in my wonderfully messy world ~~~>

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Hello all!
Seems it’s been far too long since I posted here, not to worry. I’ve been writing and making merry… just not here.

I wanted to let everyone know that I am participating in the 13 Stories For Halloween again this year and am very thrilled to be a part of the collection over there — I will post the link as soon as the fun… I mean spookiness, begins.

Now… for the fun here. I am thrilled to share an amazing poem by an even more amazing young author that I feel very fortunate to call friend.
Cameron Eileen has been writing since a wee age (she’s all of “almost” 17 now). I read the poem I’m going to share for you and was blown away, and then she told me she wrote it when she was 11. Her words are so pure and honest and powerful. I will be sharing more from her in the future, to be sure.

Show some love for Cameron in the comment section after you breathe in this beautiful poem —

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The Mirror ~~~

by Cameron Eileen


Look in the mirror.
Do you see what I see,
Looking back at you and me?
That little blemish upon my nose,
And all those freckles!
Where did I get all those?
My tiny little lips and my curveless hips,
That’s all I used to see,
Until this smile finally found me.
Now, smile is all I do,
For I know what I thought was not true.
I know now that no one is perfection,
And all the mirror shows is a reflection.
Look in the mirror.
Do you see what I used to see?
If you do, look deeper,
And you’ll finally see me.

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what on earth is going on
to make this feeling surface again
pushed it back for so long
but to the surface it madly spins
so much strength to carry on like this
the flood gates are opening within
so numb nothing hurts
even where the flame turns blue
the courage to hold your heart outside
everyone can see all the scars
the relief of honesty
the walls tumbling tumbling
falling
crashing
relief
what on earth is going on
to see all these images again
learning how to feel
how to exhale the pain
how to embrace the joy
how the heart can be opened to capture everything at once
not running away but standing still
there’s more courage in healing
and feeling for once
have it all piercing the soul
what on earth is going on
just emotions
take a breath and dive in

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When I was a kid, each summer in my town, we had a March of Dimes bike-a-thon. The organizers would block off one of the subdivisions and all us kids would converge around 8 o’clock in the morning to get a pep talk and to begin the ride. Every kid in town must have come out to that bike-a-thon each summer. I had no idea what the March of Dimes was, it seemed like a silly name. I knew there was always a cute kid on the pamphlet — that’s about all I knew. But, I went door to door and got anyone I could to pledge a nickel or a dime or if I was lucky a quarter for every lap around that subdivision I road… there were prizes you see. Not just plastic toys or hula hoops — bikes, brand new 10 speed bikes with hand brakes, donated by the only place in town that sold bicycles… the lawn mower shop.
Oh how I wanted that prize.
And every year, I returned to the bike-a-thon with my pledge sheet filled to try again and every year I left with no prize.
I was a kid.
That’s what kids are supposed to do.
I’ve never been in a competition where I gathered sponsors or asked for donations since those days of the bike-a-thons, until now.
Now, I’m an adult, I know what the prize is, I know who benefits from the money raised, I know the amazing woman who belongs to the beautiful smile in the picture.
There’s five weeks left until race day, plenty of time to donate… so, please do.

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CLICK HERE TO SEE THE DONATION PAGE!

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Hello everyone!
I know I’ve been absent from the blogging world for a while, I’ve been busy… pointing myself in the right direction, editing my first book (which is actually a memoir of the last five years but when I say memoir I cringe a bit), and getting my mind and body to connect in a healthy way. I’ve also been training for my first ever 1/2 marathon! Yay!
The marathon is September 28th, in Nashville. Which brings me to this post.
Many of you know about my friend, Lisa Bonchek Adams, who has been diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer. Lisa is an amazing woman and mother and wife and friend and on top of all of that, she is a hell of a writer. She has been blogging about her experience with cancer for several years and now she talks about the reality of her diagnosis.
I am raising money in Lisa’s honor for the Sloan-Kettering Cancer Research Center specifically to support research in metastatic breast cancer.

Pease follow the link below and check out my giving page, and make a donation to show your support for Lisa… and for me. (more…)

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My youngest is having a Valentine’s Day card exchange tomorrow at her school. We’re busy addressing cards to all her classmates and decorating a shoe box, perfectly, with just the right amount of hearts.
I’ve never been one to celebrate Valentine’s Day. Even while I was married, we never did anything special, it was just another day. I remember in school getting a few cards from boys I thought were cute, that was nice. But, I cared more about decorating that shoe box and hoping I would win the prize for the best decorated box than I did hoping some boy would want me to be his Valentine. One year, my dad and I made the most fantastic box… it was shaped like a mail box and had Snoopy and Woodstock lying on the top. I remember spray painting it black and my dad carefully carving out a sleeping Snoopy for the top. That’s what I remember, not which boy I hoped wanted me to be his Valentine.

I recently had a conversation with a friend about me “dating”. I had been “dating” someone for a few months and my friend commented that he was glad to see I was “moving on”. My brain stopped focusing at that very moment. I lost track of anything else that was said. I remember fighting my voice to stay quiet when it so desperately wanted to spit out a slur of angry boisterous words. I’ve since stopped dating that person, and those words, “moving on”, have hung on to every active brain cell I have.

There is this belief in our world that to be complete as a person, we must be attached to another person. I believed it too, for a very long time. I was married but was far from happy. I had someone to spend 18 years of Valentine’s Days with, but I certainly was more splintered than whole. I believed so strongly that being with someone, even if you were unhappy, must be far better than being alone. That belief kept me in a situation that ripped tiny pieces of me out with each passing day. I wasn’t alone, I was lonely. I distinctly know the difference between the two.

Being alone and being lonely are two completely different situations.
I love being alone.
When I’m alone, I write and I paint and I read and I vacuum and I eat peanut butter off of a spoon for dinner.
I go camping and hiking and running.
I sit and I think.
I quiet my soul and I breathe.
I am not lonely.
I am alive with love, on Valentine’s Day and every day.

I am filled with enough love to know that if being in a relationship involves me giving up the wonderful pieces of myself that I am just beginning to uncover or hiding those pieces in fear that they won’t be accepted, it isn’t love. Being with someone who is less than what you deserve just so others can see a person hanging on your arm, isn’t love. Love is what we all deserve… what we all have, if we just open our eyes to see it.
Love for ourselves.
Love for others.
Love for someone special.
I won’t attach myself to someone because they seem “nice enough”, I won’t repeat the mistakes of the past because I’m scared of what you might think if I go to the movies alone.

A Valentine’s Day will arrive when I find myself attached to another person and I will welcome that day like a child welcoming the first snowfall of winter. But I’m not watching the clock tick, waiting. I’m not standing still and refusing to be alive awaiting the arrival of someone who may or may not exist. The world around me needs to know that, the world around us needs to know that being whole is who we are individually. I’m a whole person, alone.

I’m not attached to another person this Valentine’s Day and am looking forward to eating peanut butter off a spoon for dinner. I won’t play the role of an “attached person” just so the world around me will think I “moved on”.
I “moved on” the day I had the courage to be alone.

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I am here
though I wonder where that is
a trail heading forward
or winding back around
a bridge crossing the stream
steady
strong
a few wobbly planks

I am here
looking in every direction
testing which way the wind blows
scattering my thoughts like pollen
following each nudge forward
curious
brave
imperfections are beautiful

I am here
dancing with my thoughts
listening to my life
singing my own song
the words float through the air
cartwheeling
tumbling
but always, I am here
~
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Don’t forget to visit my new Etsy Shop!
Becky Brewster Sain’s shop on #etsy http://etsy.me/VsVXu4

or, click over there ~~~~~>

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untwisted creations – Etsy

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