I’m not trying to pull you back,
Read between the lines and you’ll see.
That would mean I’m back there too,
Waiting for company.
I’m not trying to pull you back,
Not now, not this time, not at all.
That would mean I’m stuck with no way out,
waiting for a superhero.
I’m not trying to pull you back,
It’s about moving on and taking in and understanding the past.
I’m not trying to pull you back,
I don’t even recognize that space that time that person.
I’m not trying to pull you back,
I’m showing me there’s hope and friends and forgiveness and redemption
and acceptance back in to the fold.
I’m not trying to pull you back,
I’m creating and letting go and moving on and learning
and feeling and understanding and being and loving and hurting
and missing.
I’m not trying to pull you back,
I’m propelling myself forward.
I’m learning to walk not fly.
I’m learning to leap not drop.
I’m learning to talk not demand.
I’m learning to listen not analyze.
I’m here…
moving, hoping.
I’m here…
wishing for a voice.
I’m here.
I’m not trying to pull you back,
I’m un-sticking my feet from the messy past
and treading on a hopeful future.
I’m here.
Just me.
Naked and exposed.
I’m here.
Not pulling.
Not pushing.
Not proving.
Not consuming.
Not drowning.
Not flying.
Not waiting.
Not contemplating.
I’m here.
Surrounded by my hope.
I’m here.
Me.
First Pages 
Just so absolutely uplifting. Yes, going back to the stickiness of a past would be a defeat. Hard as it may be to turn one’s head away from what was, it will get better as one bravely – and with hope – takes those steps forward.
Thank you Marisa — I thought I wanted this one out in the open, it woke me up last night.
Oh my gosh, this is so what I needed to read. You are amazing.
❤ Liz. Thank you.
I found you through twitter… this is beautiful and amazing. Many years ago, I was in exactly the same place, saying exactly the same thing.
I’ve been thinking a lot about hope lately, after a friend said that it was a passive word. I disagree. I think it is a necessary word, a vital word.
Yes — it’s such a great word. It means, to me, that there’s something better around the corner. Without hope, what do we have?
Thank you for coming here and reading and commenting.
Now, I’m off to find you on twitter new friend!
Exactly, Becky! Sometimes the song just bursts forth and it’s more than necessary–it’s righteous, it’s fulfilling, it fuels our innermost being.
Thanks for sharing this!
Angel
Thank you!
I actually liked sharing this one — some of them I hesitate on, long long periods of hesitation!
Thank you for being here!
The fact you put this out here as a post makes me SO proud of you! You bring tears to my eyes, b, you really do. This is full of simple concepts that are so profound! I can hear you speaking the words ~ not apologetically, not defiantly ~ truthfully. I really think this is one of your most honest and heatfelt and best poems yet. It really touched me quite deeply. Each time I read it, I get more from it.
“I’m creating and letting go and moving on and learning
and feeling and understanding and being and loving and
hurting and missing.”
Something clicked for me just the other day that made me able to accept the end of my relationship. I’m still letting go, I’m still feeling, I’m starting to understand, I’m still hurting and missing. BUT…
“I’m here.
Surrounded by my hope.
I’m here.
Me.”
I had lost my hope. I was stuck in the past, not here at all. I had lost ME completely. Now I see that glimmer of hope. Now I see that I’m still here, even though not the same, it’s still me.
Thank you for sharing and for expressing so elequently the journey that you are on ~ creating, understanding, letting go, learning, feeling…. moving on.
As always, I’m trying to follow in your footsteps, inspired to keep moving. *Hugs Full of Love, Admiration & Affection*
Thank you Dani.
This one was very personal to me and dear to my soul.
I wanted to share it… I hope it is shared, and understood.
Thanks.
I absolutely love this – thanks for sharing!!
Thank you Christie!
I’m glad you’re here and reading and leaving me a comment.
I love seeing you here!
I am so glad I found your blog as well!! Haven’t been up for posting much myself, in fact haven’t been on Twitter for a few weeks now but I definitely keep up to date on my favorites and your writing is on that list :^)
What draws me to a blog is the honesty, the sometimes painful opening up that the writer timidly offers up to us readers as they travel on their journey of self discovery. I consider these precious gifts and in each treasure, I am able to find a little piece of myself shining through. Maybe it was hidden, covered in dirt and dust, or maybe it was buried under protective, yet mostly dysfunctional layers of gunk. Upon reading your words, that piece moves a bit more into my line of sight, willing itself to be discovered as I move on down my path to wholeness!!
Thank you Becky for your gifts ♥
I like being on that list — thank you for that.
I love your comment — it’s truly beautiful.
I’ve been trying to discard my own “dysfunctional layers of gunk” which has been hard and tedious but gives me hope at the same time.
I always hope that when it’s over, when the majority of the gunk is discarded… I hope the people who I most want to see me, the real me, are still willing to open their eyes.
I think our eyes are already open and we are just waiting with much patience and love for your eyes to be fully open (not blinded with gunk) so that you can see what we see – how truly amazing you are!!
Then there’s hope… that’s all I (we, you, any of us) need.
Thank you.
i enjoyed this.
i am glad you are able to voice your transformation. moreover, my mother has always said that we are all spinning like orbits, which means, that we, if we are to continue to grow, must hop orbits, and well, when we do that, if others can’t hop orbits with us, there is not much we can do. we just spin on….and we are not holding anyone back, not really letting go, but just growing. it is life. you can’t explain to others, and sometimes others grow and other times they grow slower, and other times, they never grow.
onwards to light.
~a.q.s.
p.s. you can delete this part in the comment but just to let you know a typo in 3rd line: to should be too. : )
Hmmm? Typo? 😉 Fixed it — thank you.
This is one of those comments that makes things come in to focus for me. Hopping orbits… I like that.
I think, for me, my hard time comes from thinking I need to make things right, you know? To make sure the person knows I’m changing and it’s good. I don’t want to let go, so I like that part… but I don’t want to hold them back, I don’t want to be the one that held them back from their growth and happiness. So… I’m hopping orbits and spinning on.
Thank you!
I think that hope is awesome.
I especially loved this section:
“I’m not trying to pull you back,
I’m propelling myself forward.
I’m learning to walk not fly.
I’m learning to leap not drop.
I’m learning to talk not demand.
I’m learning to listen not analyze.”
Ooooooo! Just sooooo fabulous!!!
Oooooo!
Thanks Terre — this was very important to me to put up here and hope the words are seen and interpreted and taken in.
Thank you for doing all of that – and thank you for the oooooo!
Awesome thoughts.
Thank you Ralph.
Amazing poem Becky, I’m speechless right now as the whole poem is filled with things I feel many times, especially the learning parts!
Thank Estrella.
I’m so glad you were here. Learning can be so very painful. I’m learning all about pain and regret and moving and being left behind and ultimately, I’m learning all of that is okay.
Loved this piece Becky. It spoke to me on a lot of levels.
I especially loved the first part of the section Terre pulled out.
So many people think that they need to challenge themselves in unrealistic ways.
I think being, breathing and listening are some of the best skills we can develop as humans.
This was naked and lovely. Living in the moment always is.
Thank you for sharing.
Karen:0)
Thank you Karen. I’ve got a huge smile on my face right now.
Being and breathing and listening have been and continue to be my hardest lessons to learn.
I’m so glad you were here and reading and commenting.
This was one of the most personal and difficult things I’ve put up here, so to feel a little okay about it now is huge for me.
Thank you!
“Unsticking my feet from the messy past.” That rings so true for me, and is so inspirational.
You’ve touched something in all of us.
Thank you.
Thank you for this comment. I was so emotionally involved with this poem/post, I almost couldn’t hit the publish button. I’m glad I did — it helped me work through some messy stuff.
Thanks for being here and reading and commenting!
What a powerful, from the gut, poem. Loved reading it. My heart is racing a little. A lot of different words, married together with passion and desire to keep moving forward. Let’s keep doing that Becky. I’m right by your side the whole way. If you have this wonderful ability to articulate what you want, then the ability to live out your words and dreams are within you as well. I saw something that you tweeted about hiding your poetry. Please don’t……
Joanne ❤
Thank you Joanne for reading this and leaving such a great comment. I wish action was as easy as writing sometimes (and writing is NOT easy). I hope to keep moving forward but there are many things I need corrected and many things I need understanding on and many things I need a wiling ear to listen to — I’m moving, slowly, but forward.
Thank you!
I wish there was a love button.
Well… that comment about did it for me!
Thank you.
It’s a great poem and profound statement. Thank you for the time and effort, and the courage, to create and polish and share this. Wow, Twitter is cool…. 🙂
Yes… twitter is very cool.
Thank you for the kind words about this poem — it was difficult to write and even harder to share and even harder wondering if it was read and heard.
Thank you.
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