I refuse to believe the thoughts you think about me.
I refuse to listen to your inner voice when mine is so much more viable.
I refuse to hide in the shadows of this broken heart I carry around…
… barely beating.
… barely breathing.
… barely surviving.
I refuse to stop following my gut.
I refuse to continue to apologize for a wrong I’ve righted over and over and over.
I refuse to walk away silently…
… whispering.
… whimpering.
… wishing.
I refuse to hear the whispers surrounding my thoughts.
I refuse to give up the fight because no better cause exists.
I refuse to be anything other than truthful and honest and hopeful…
… especially through the pain.
… especially through the thickness of those walls.
… especially through the confusion of why.
I refuse to let myself down.
I refuse to give up on me.
I refuse to accept I’m unworthy…
… even with the proof.
… even with the consequence.
… even with the pounding of the words on my mind.
I refuse to let go of my life.
I refuse to creep around in this rabbit hole.
I refuse to not get pissed off and scream at the top of my lungs at your closed off heart…
… but it would be so easy.
… but it would be so painless.
… but it would slip away like a kite string in a strong wind.
I refuse to stop waving my hands in front of your blindness.
I refuse to not care.
I refuse to give up on hope…
… because that would be giving up on me.
… because that would be proving you right.
… because I’m better than that.
I refuse to live my life quietly.
I refuse to be closed off to love.
I refuse to stay in the pits of an ebb when I should be soaring with the flow.
I refuse.
.
.
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A little bit of pissy angst for Jingle’s Poetry Potluck and Thursday’s Poet Rally. Check out all the great things happening there.