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Posts Tagged ‘thinking’

As you may know, I’ve been participating in the 21.5.800 community adventure. The writing portion of the adventure has taken me to different places so far, some places I liked and some places I don’t want to visit again. The yoga is always a welcomed relief and a great way to focus and breathe and think quietly about the day ahead (I mentioned I have three kids, right?) This is where it took me today:

I was recently sent this text message — “What happened to you?”

I had no response. It wasn’t really an inquiry, more like an inquisition and the inferred remaining words were probably something like this, “… because you are doing things for yourself and taking time for yourself and not waiting around like always and…” well, you get the idea.

To steal some fundamental words from Zebra Sounds, I’ve been leaping and thinking and breathing and loving. I’ve also been writing — which has been scary for some people in my life, and I’ve been reading — again, some people find this scary, I’ve been exercising and getting healthy — scary to some, and I’ve been enjoying some alone time — this too, throws some people off.

I’ve been enjoying my kids and being the mom I always wanted to be — the one who isn’t perfect, the one who falls down sometimes, the one who gets up unassisted, the one who is messy… sometimes. A friend told me messy is good… it is.

I’ve been falling a little in love with some very small avatars. I’ve been laughing with some friends. I’ve been feeding my brain with some brilliant words by some brilliant writers. I’ve been leaping, some more, without a cape and the net keeps appearing. I’ve been trusting the people I’ve let into my life. I’ve been thinking about what I want to do next — and… I’ve been doing it.

So, what happened to me? I stopped pretending, I stopped walking through life in a fog, I stopped approaching everything like it was a business venture and started embracing the life I want, the friends I want… the things I want.

What happened to me is emergence. What happened to me is letting go of fear. What happened to me is embracing solitude. What happened to me is finding my own strength.

What happened to me? I’m leaping… some more.

Picture from Kind Over Matter

Now, it’s your turn. What’s happening with you? Seriously, I want to know.

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I Think Too Much

I guess thinking shouldn’t be a bad thing — but it can be.

I think too much.

I think about what I’m going to say to the point that sometimes I say nothing for fear that my words will make me sound too happy or too sarcastic or too sappy or too anything.

I think about what I have already said to the point that sometimes I avoid the person I said it to for fear that my words made me sound too happy or too sarcastic or too sappy or too anything.

I think about what I’m going to write too much to. Mainly with emails or notes or texts to friends — what if they read it on the other end and interpret what I say as too anything?

I think too much.

I think about events that haven’t even taken place yet. Places I want to visit. People I want to see. What will I wear? What will I say? How should I fix my hair? I think about how they will react if I wear jeans or khakis. I think about how they will react if I greet them with a hug or a weep. I think about events that could possibly never take place.

I think about events that already happened. I think about what I said or what I did or what I was wearing. I think about how it would have been different if I chose different words or even a different hair style.

I think too much.

Sometimes thinking can get in the way of doing and being and living. It’s impossible to plan everything that takes place — every word, every gesture, every outfit. Maybe I think to try to plan it all out. Maybe it’s my attempt to make sure it happens the way I want it to happen. Thinking can lead to positive outcomes when you don’t do it too much — when you don’t forget to act because you’re too caught up in your thoughts.

So, I think too much — sometimes.

But hopefully the thinking will give way to action, to events, to life. Hopefully the thinking stops in time for life to move forward — hopefully.

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