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Posts Tagged ‘flash fiction’

Hi kids…

I’ll be playing in someone else’s sand box this week!

Follow me, as today I take on rejection and Alexis Stewart — 10/30/11

Craving Rejection

Today, a poem — 11/01/11

Today, I am small…

Today, some fiction — 11/03/11

Wrap You In My Arms

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I watch you approach me in the produce section, it seems all good stories begin in the produce section. Your eyes are on a pineapple and I’m baffled as I try to look away — your clothes are dirty, shorts and a t-shirt so faded I can’t make out the picture on the front. Your feet are sticking out over the edges of a pair of flip-flops and I’m immediately repulsed. Your gray beard is matted and unkempt as it hangs almost to your stomach, yellow stains around your mouth from years of smoking I assume.

For a second, I imagine cleaning you up and putting a red coat and hat on you and hiring you to entertain the kids at my Christmas party… and so in that second that has passed I give you a name… Dirty Santa. Still, you peruse the pineapple and I am dumbfounded. I look in your cart and all I see is mouthwash — twenty bottles of mouthwash and I think of about three very inappropriate jokes associated with the mouthwash in Dirty Santa’s cart in that next second and I laugh deep within my thoughts so that no one knows until I realize why you have all that mouthwash — you drink it.

You come to this store on Sunday morning when the liquor stores are all closed and you know you must have something, soon — I see the trembling in your hands, I see the sweat beading on your brow, I see the confusion within your eyes. Your gaze doesn’t leave those pineapple and mine doesn’t leave you — all of you. You put the pineapple in your cart and you head in the direction of the checkout. I follow you for a bit but you have no idea, the trembling has gotten worse with each passing second and I watch you will your legs to remain steady and forward — left foot, right foot.

You turn to take your place in line and I keep going — past you and I don’t look again… I don’t wonder about you anymore. I stop myself from thinking about the mouthwash and the quivering hands and the dirty clothes and the kids whose father is now the dirty Santa who buys a cart full of mouthwash on Sunday morning and the wife who finally followed through with her ultimatum and the boss who had to let you go and the grandchildren you’ll never know — I stop myself from thinking about all of that and turn to go down the dairy aisle. You were in my heart for a few seconds on a Sunday morning.

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The field next door is perfectly mowed, I look at it because to me it is the world… my world. The world that keeps me company every summer. In the middle we’ve carved out a baseball field where we play every day. I never worry about being the last one chosen… they all want me on their team. I run fast. I hit hard. I throw far. I never give up. I am wild.

There’s a dirt track that circles the boundary, worn down from the motorcycle that the boys next door own. I sneak on it, out of the sight of my grandmother. My legs are too short to crank the kick-starter so the boys do it for me. I ride around the track, my sweaty brown hair flapping uncontrollably in the summer heat as I beg the bike to go faster as I approach the bump that will send me into the air for a brief second. I am wild.

The boys are waiting as I round the corner, screaming at me over the roar of engine to stop because it’s their turn. I keep going — they’re twice as old and twice as big as me but I laugh wildly as I tear past them for another time around the track and over that bump. They curse at me, laughing, when I finally stop and call me punk and squirt and pat my head and none of them go as fast I did — none of them. I am wild.

The sun disappears and we say our goodbyes for the night, I’m the last one to leave at the end of every day and the first one to arrive in the mornings. The boys walk to sit with the adults gathered in the backyard of their house. I turn and give the field a final look before I wind my way through the opening in the bushes that separates the field and the serene perfection of my grandmother’s immaculately groomed back yard.

She sits by the open window, the warm breeze blows the curtains back just a bit, the family next door laughs and screams and curses. She can smell the spilled beer and the unfiltered cigarettes as if she were standing in the middle of them… instead of where she is, on the edge of the footstool peering through the open window. I join her.

We watch together and listen together and we are silent, together. I wonder if she wishes she were sitting in the backyard with them… unencumbered by the foul smells and prickly words thrashing through the summer air all around them. I look at her. I see the want in her eyes… briefly. I stand up, tired of watching, and walk away, leaving her there… still staring.

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Who do you think you are?

Sneaking in here in the brightness of a beautiful day. The breeze blows so gently that the leaves dangling from their perch in the trees look like they are waving at me in slow motion. The birds are so content singing from the hidden recesses of the branches, the remaining butterflies of summer are flitting around, just above the grass, the smell in the air is a mixture of pumpkin pie, candy corn, and over-chlorinated pool — it’s perfect. I stand in the open window looking at the kids in the street playing catch and drawing with chalk in their shorts and t-shirts… squeezing out the last bit of wear from their summer attire before they are forced to put them away for the next several months — and you decide to show up now?

Who do you think you are?

Where were you when I needed you? When all I wanted was to hide in a cave of lonely despair. I begged you to come for me then but you stayed away, you never showed up, you kept your distance — waiting for the right time. You think you’re so clever. Showing up now when I wasn’t prepared. I see you trying to slip in under the door. I see you whispering my name from that lumpy old chair. I hear you whistling your song from the train tracks.

I see everything.

I hear everything.

I feel everything.

Who do you think you are?

Come and get me. I’m not going anywhere. I won’t fight you anymore. I don’t need to. You are so small and so weak, even the rabbits in the back yard hop around you without flinching.

I know who you are.

You are loneliness and despair and darkness and silence. You are fear and you are flight. You are wrong.

Who do you think you are?

I’m staying here, this time. I’m not following you onto the tracks. I’m not driving around in the dark. I’m staying here and breathing in the last bit of summer, I’m staying here and preparing for the changing colors of the leaves outside my window, I’m staying here… just long enough to watch you thud away — fuck off melancholia.

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I see you… standing there on the corner.

A cigarette hanging from your mouth, your fingertips are yellowed by the repulsive habit. Your hair is dirty, there is no color… just the color of alone, empty, left-over. You’re clothes are disheveled. I imagine you sifting through the pile of used clothes, strewn across a cold concrete floor –piece milling your outfit together, hurriedly before anyone else joins you. Then you pick out your mat and place it in a spot close to the bathroom, you think you have a better chance of sleep with the faint light creeping under the door — the complete dark of the large room scares you.

I know this about you… I can see it.

Once your mat is in place you sprint to the front of the line for food… you know you have a better chance at seconds if you’re at the front, you know this because you watched the others those first couple of times and the power of osmosis gave you the knowledge to survive these nights. When you have your food, you pick the table closest to the front… closest to the line. You can gauge the quantity of food left and when you need to get back in line. Your eyes dart back and forth between the line and your food only you can’t even see your food — you don’t care. It’s hot. You eat. You look right through your plate to the memories of a life you think must have been lived by someone else.

I know this about you… I can see it.

I can see the baby being held by a mother — love in her eyes, a smile on her face. Her hair falls gently past her shoulder and tickles your cheek as she sings Van Morrison and there you are… into the mystic. Dancing around in her arms, clinging to the warmth of her breath, inhaling the sweet scent of her dreams — the dreams she had for you. The report card she knew she would frame, the touchdown she knew you would catch, the college she knew you would attend… she knew you would have her gypsy soul. And she danced and she twirled and you closed your eyes and…

I know this about you… I can see it.

When the morning comes you gather your things… a backpack with clothes, a toothbrush, a marker, matches — your cigarettes. You stand in the line again, waiting for your breakfast and the sack lunch for later. You put it all in your backpack and you wait outside for the van to leave and carry you back to this corner — this corner where I pull up to everyday and I watch you put that cigarette to your mouth and I see your yellowed finger tips and I wonder if anyone ever held you in their arms. I wonder if you ever knew the hope of someone who believed in you. I wonder if anyone ever gazed down on you while you were sleeping and wished you dreams of unicorns and bunny rabbits and clouds shaped like hearts. I wonder if anyone ever stood up for you — I wonder if you remember.

I see you… standing there on the corner.

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I drive past you, every day at the same time… at the same stop light. I drive past you.

You’re always looking slightly down, maybe at your feet, maybe at the sidewalk, maybe you want to avoid eye contact with me as much as I want to avoid eye contact with you.

You have a picture ID attached to a lanyard that dangles from your neck… you work out, I can tell by the thickness of your shoulders. Your tattoos look old but well thought out. Your hair is cut perfectly. A single ear-ring draws my attention to your square jaw, your straight nose, your blue eyes, your perfect skin tanned by the summer sun.

You usually have on shorts so I glance at the tattoo on the back of your calf — my imagination starts to drift, I reel in my thoughts.

I look at the ID again, every day I look at that ID at that same stop light and I wonder about you. It identifies you as a vendor selling the  “homeless” paper — I’m baffled because you are exquisite, young, strong. You make my thoughts soar in the early morning. I wonder how… how?

I imagine us having dinner together, you tell me a story of combat duty and how your job was gone when you returned and you have no family and one thing led to another and you ended up homeless. But then I change the story… it was drugs. You became addicted as a teenager. Your parents kicked you out. You’re starting over. Then, again, I have an even better story… you’re a writer, spending the year homeless, living in shelters, selling the paper. You have several large publishing houses interested already.

I notice you, sifting your stance. The tattoo on your calf flexes. You walk up to the car in front of me and exchange a paper for the dollar the woman is holding precariously through the half-opened window. You nod your head to say thank you and look around at me to see if I’m waving a dollar as well — I’m not.

I look down to avoid your blue eyes and the stories I’ve created about them… the light turns green. I drive away, until tomorrow.

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