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Posts Tagged ‘feelings’

what on earth is going on
to make this feeling surface again
pushed it back for so long
but to the surface it madly spins
so much strength to carry on like this
the flood gates are opening within
so numb nothing hurts
even where the flame turns blue
the courage to hold your heart outside
everyone can see all the scars
the relief of honesty
the walls tumbling tumbling
falling
crashing
relief
what on earth is going on
to see all these images again
learning how to feel
how to exhale the pain
how to embrace the joy
how the heart can be opened to capture everything at once
not running away but standing still
there’s more courage in healing
and feeling for once
have it all piercing the soul
what on earth is going on
just emotions
take a breath and dive in

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Sometimes the mind races, never stopping, never slowing, never pausing… never giving the rest of your being a chance to catch its breath. You reach too far and too often. You pull too hard and too relentlessly. And your mind continues, mocking you, knowing you can’t get control of it, knowing it is so close to spinning you out of control it can smell the angst. You’ve been there before. Every shoe has already dropped, there’s no need to wait for the next one — every shoe has already dropped. Then, like a kid waking on Christmas morning, you realize the gift has arrived.

The gift of knowing the pit you fell into doesn’t exist anymore because you boarded it up, you took every tool out of your magical bag and sweated and carefully covered the pit with your truth because your truth is so strong and so right and so promising. You wipe the angst from your brow and your mind quiets, finally, it quiets. Sometimes the mind breaks quickly, the shoes drop loudly and angrily… you stop. But sometimes it’s slow, cracks develop, but you keep going because they’re so small and so subtle — no one sees them but you, and you see them clearly. You know how every crack was formed. Then the realization of another gift, the gift of continuing. The gift of becoming. The gift of breathing deep and exhaling fully.

Quiet your mind.
Name your cracks.
Cover the pits.
No more shoes will drop.
Live this moment.

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I think there must be something too difficult for us to discover when we learn to feel. Too difficult for us to see and think and believe. Learning to feel can make a sheltered heart heal. But it can also force you to realize why you sheltered your heart in the first place.

We hate and risk seeing the side of ourselves that shows our lack of understanding and empathy. To hate means you have lost understanding and acceptance. You have lost when you hate and if learning to feel leaves you lost in hate… you’re not feeling anything.

We love and risk losing ourselves to another’s whimsy. When we love we are free and open yet all at once scared and lost and wondering. Your heart can shatter and never heal — and there you are… back to learning not to feel.

We feel sadness and sorrow and get lost in it and no one knows why we’re sad because when we tell them, when we share our sense of sad with someone… we risk them being burdened by it too. Because people who feel, feel what the people they love are dealing with — some never had to learn to feel, they just do.

We feel happy and instantly want to share this feeling with the people we love. This is the feeling we want to give away like free cotton candy at the fair — before it melts and is gone, we want everyone to hold it close and feel it — it’s easy to learn to feel with happy.

When we learn to feel, we can’t choose the emotions that will chip away at the fortress forming around our sheltered hearts. Joy and euphoria from the people we love will topple those existing walls quickly. Yet we also have to accept the uncertainty and insecurities that come with happiness — for it will be replaced, if only temporary, by another feeling that may have us wishing for the fortress to quickly build back and surround us… keep us safe. When we learn to feel, we learn to feel it all. The anger, the sadness, the happy, the scared, the contempt, the love — the joy of newfound emotions.

Learning to feel can take your breath away and leave you shattered or it can build you up and help you grow — you grow when you feel. Growing means you are moving forward, it means your sheltered heart will open up and risk the pain of absence, it means you are learning to feel — and that is worth it all.

I found a few interesting places I thought you might like to visit:

  1. I really enjoyed this article and hope you will too, I think it goes nicely with learning to feel.
  2. I absolutely want you to watch this interview with Bindu Wiles, the mastermind behind the 21.5.800 adventure.
  3. I thought this was a hysterically brilliant idea — I’m going to do this, at least once anyway.
  4. Reading this made me realize, learning to feel can be scary for many people.
  5. And finally, this reminder from Kind Over Matter that feelings are everywhere — be gentle.

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