a thousand breaths

must have inhaled a thousand times,
trying to escape my mind,
just pretending to be blind,
hoping you can see inside,
all these breaths,
a thousand times.

must have tried on a thousand skins,
hiding behind the walls within,
waiting for the touch of a friend,
someone who knew it was all pretend,
all these masks,
a thousand skins.

must have hoped on a thousand stars,
saw them clearly from so far,
their light crept through the cracks in my heart,
their shine would cover up these scars,
all these wishes,
a thousand stars.

must have cried a thousand tears,
like anyone who’s lived these years,
seen my share of conquered fears,
grabbed my courage and drew it near,
all these heart-breaks,
a thousand tears.

must have given up a thousand ways,
saw the smile across your face,
a reflection of a courage filled place,
knew this was my sacred space,
all these chances,
a thousand ways.

must have exhaled a thousand times,
trying not to criticize,
all us learning we can fly,
spread our wings and take flight,
all these breaths,
a thousand times.

(this picture is of a secluded lake I found when I needed to take a thousand breaths)

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The All of Everything

It’s bottled up, there, just above your head.

A cloud filled with all the love I could never hold, a cloud filled with all the love I wanted to give to you, a cloud filled with desperation and hope and dreams and…

Don’t look up… or wait, maybe do.

It might rain down on you in a monstrous storm that I can’t control. I’ve been storing all my thoughts and feelings, storing them… waiting. And now, swirling around above your head like a storm cloud waiting to catch me off guard.

But still…

The rumbling echos of thunder, the blinding sparks of lightning — it’s all there, in the cloud hovering above that I am determined to regain control of.

I let it out, slowly… calmly, like the cleansing of a spring rain. It wants to explode from its bindings but I stay, there… locked in the moment. It falls gently… once again. Slowly, like the building up of a smile on a newborns face. It touches me… I let it. Rolling down my face as I raise my gaze to the now calm cloud perched in the sky.

Reminding me that love flows, gentle and affirming, careful and consistent.

But still…

Messy, tousled — ever-changing, fluid.

Mending your soul and breaking your heart.

Saving you a seat.

Love is the all of everything.

.

I really love Amy Krouse Rosenthal. If you don’t already know of her… you should. Click the link to find out about her and the last installment of her Beckoning The Lovely Project, being released on 11/11/11.

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… pockets filled with stones.

I’m carrying them around,

like stones in my pockets.

Discarding the small ones as I go.

The big ones are so heavy, they don’t easily fall,

they cling to my skin,

to my thoughts,

to my heart.

I pack you all up, in a matter of minutes, whenever I need to go.

You travel so well, weighing me down just enough,

you’ve been my excuse when forward was simply too far to travel.

I’m walking around from memory to memory and dropping these stones along the way.

Hoping no one sees what a pile I have amassed.

Hoping no one sees the holes they’ve worn in my heart.

I sit down at the edge of this cliff, weighted down by my pockets filled with stones.

I can’t stand up.

I can’t jump.

I can’t take another step forward.

I reach into my pocket and grab a handful of you and toss you out of my life.

Throwing stones this way and that with a smile on my face, as I watch them disappear over the ledge.

I turn from the edge and with all my strength I stand and I walk away.

I’m not packing you up, in a matter of minutes, I’m leaving you far behind.

These pockets filled with stones have secured me too long to the bottom of this ocean floor.

I want to believe in me as much as I believe in…

These pockets filled with stones.

I’ve scattered these stones, far away from my thoughts and my heart finally beats.

These pockets filled with stones are smaller and smaller, each day I throw a few as far as I can.

Reminders of the life, beckoning you to live, surrounding you with love all around.

Don’t forget…

that I believe in you.

Don’t forget…

how much I care.

If ever you start to doubt, just read these words and hear my heart,

beating,

filled with pride,

love.

Don’t forget…

that I believe in you.

You are a magical shell, waiting to be found, sitting where the waves break against the shore.

You are a whisper, spreading through the world, shining your light all around.

You are a scream, bouncing off a mountain, spreading through the valleys below.

These pockets filled with stones that try to hold me close,

to scare me to stay in a world of afraid.

I’ve deposited them around, here and there…

emptying these pockets filled with stones.

Freeing my hands to hold on to you and my heart and my soul and my hope.

.

.

Check out all the poetic goodness at The Gooseberry Garden and at dVerse poets!

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