Sitting here… breathing through a straw,
feeling my lungs lurch for air, feeling my mind scream for space, feeling my heart beg to be seen.
All at once.
Never in an even path but always forward, then not, then forward, then not.
The sign reads, “no train horn”.
So there I stand, listening to the tracks shake in the distance, listening to the bird call out from the tree… listening.
My eyes closed, my head back, my mind shaking off the sting once again.
It’s not on my mind today.
I can hear it… in the distance, it will be here soon.
I sit down in the cool autumn grass, the last of the wild flowers stretching their way to the distant sun, but still…
my breath, it doesn’t come,
my lungs, they still ache,
my mind, it still spins,
my heart, it still begs.
The quiet interrupted by the shaking of the tracks, louder, with more force — “no train horn”, I read the sign again.
I slowly take in air to my strained lungs — the shaking of the track makes it easier.
One step forward,
two steps back,
I close my eyes to see it all,
the rushing wind blowing my shirt back from my outstretched arms,
the shaking ground unbalances me as if I were walking on retreating sand,
And then it’s gone…
taking my thoughts with it,
carrying my pressure filled soul further down the tracks while my mind,
calm and still… a rhythmic humming from my core,
remains in tact.