When I come back in my house after a long walk with my dogs, sometimes they poo… in the house. I say this because I think it’s important. I take them on a walk… they sniff, they pant, they pull, they sniff some more, they do their business, they sniff some more again and then we return to the house. And sometimes, when I least expect it, when I’m tired and in a mood and need to do other things, they decide to poo. Then my plans change. I clean poo and does anyone ever plan to clean poo? I spray the house. I open the windows. I scrub and I stand back to look and I scrub some more and I look again to see if the evidence is gone. Then I ask my kids if they can see anything… can they smell anything… have I removed all traces of the indiscretions of my dog?
I’ve been thinking lately, a lot. About lots of things that seem to be important to me right now, I keep thinking these weren’t quite as important to me last year, maybe they were… clarity wasn’t one of my greatest assets then. I’ve also been thinking about writing this post for a while. I’ve sat down to write these words on so many occasions and then something happens and my thoughts turn into a poem. I really love poetry — the metaphors, the subtle shifts, the undertones. It’s also fairly easy to hide in poetry. You say things and no one really knows where it comes from… that’s the point of poetry, I think anyway. You read it and you interpret it however you need to interpret it at the time — it’s different for each of us.
One of the things I’ve been trying to reach some clarity on is connection. Connection with each other. I’ve never really believed that everything happens for a reason… if I believed that I’d need a very good explanation as to why my dog’s poo in my house five minutes after we get back from a walk. People come into our lives, this too I think often defies the concept of “everything happens for a reason”. I might go so far as to say we are more likely to attract people into our lives depending on where we are in our own personal evolution.
The people I’ve attracted over the years are a hodgepodge of sorts. In high school and college my close friends always said people enjoyed being around me because I acted the same with everyone, I welcomed people from all the “groups” and I never placed myself into a single category — I went to church but I hung out with the party group, I played sports but cheered on my friends who were cheerleaders, I acted in the theater, I played piano and trumpet and guitar. I sang in the chorus. I baked in contests. I snuck cigarettes. I drank too often. I dressed in toga’s and danced at fraternity party’s. I wrote poetry and read Willa Cather. My whole life has been gray and lovely.
And still, the people in my life are eclectic and beautiful — they are a part of me. I think we keep pieces of the people we have connected to with us, even when they are gone. They live in our hearts, if we’re lucky. Sometimes they live in the back of our mind and creep forward like a warning squeak coming off your brakes. I hope I’m in more hearts than I am the squeaking brakes you hear in your mind.
I’ve been messy. I’ve been apologetic. I’ve been wrong. I’ve been right. I’ve been learning. I’ve been teaching. I’ve been listening. I’ve been screaming. I’ve been messy.
Back to my dogs. Sometimes, when I think nothing else could go wrong and sometimes when I think everything is going right — there they are, just back from a walk, pooing on my floor, changing my plans, pushing me. Making me realize that things sometimes don’t happen the way we plan or want. But sometimes, when we need things to go right, when we can’t take another bend in the path, when every ounce of hope we’ve placed in something comes to fruition… we know our hearts are filled with love. So, here I am, moving forward in a messy eclectic beautiful discombobulated ball of confusion — and that’s a very comfortable fit for me.
First Pages 
“in a messy eclectic beautiful discombobulated ball of confusion”
that’s part of what i love about you, b. you’re comfortable with imperfection in your life and i believe we can’t really “LIVE” unless and until we are. i’m sorry about the dog poo. it’s still true today ~ you welcome people from all groups. you are kind and hopeful and loving above all else. and the “all else” isn’t so bad either.
love you! ♥ *shining sparkly super squishy hugs*
Well… I’m not completely comfortable with imperfection. It actually has been a struggle to let go of my need to organize and over-see and attempt to have an appearance of perfection. I’m not though, perfect. And that’s okay.
Thank you for all your sparkly love!
If I remember correctly, you don’t have small dogs. I think I wouldn’t let the dogs in after the walk. But that is just because there are a lot of other things that interrupt my day that I have to deal with and big poop is not one I care to continually handle.
But I am one who believes things do happen for a reason, so when something happens and I can examine it and keep it from happening again (it that’s what I want) I do what I think needs to be done. Since I believe things happen for a reason, I believe people are in my life for a reason. The frustrating part is I don’t always know the reason, so sometimes that results is the ball of confusion you mentioned – but that is part of the journey for me. Learning why and allowing things to unfold for me help relieve the mess and confusion.
Its cool how we all have a different approach to life.
“Learning why and allowing things to unfold”… yes. But I get stuck in those things that have no explanation or the explanation isn’t valid now because things are different — that’s the part I have to allow to unfold and hope, just hope.
Also, yes my dogs are not small. But, in their defense, it’s a rarity that they poo. The cicada invasion was not a good time in my house — apparently the dogs thought those little creatures were flying bits of candy and ate hundreds at a time — this was BAD. 🙂
Yes, allowing things to unfold is not easy (for me anyway). To me it requires patience and that is not something I have. But for me, I have had situations in the past that were not at all to my liking, but then as it turned out I learned there was a reason why. So when I feel like stomping my foot like an impatient two year old, I have to stop and remember that even though I don’t know what is best I have faith in One that does.
I would think that if someone doesn’t believe things happen for a reason it would be impossible to learn to wait for things to unfold. If I didn’t think there was a reason for something then I would go batty. I guess that could be one example of the difference between hope and faith.
You had cicada flying around in your house?
I think that what Sue is saying “What next?” is sometimes the “why?” Because some times I am in a situation and I don’t see “why”, but I do go to the what next and maybe the “next” is where I really needed to be, but I would have NEVER gotten there if not for the situation that “pushed” me to it. But see again, I think that is me believing there is a reason for things. The reason and the why could be answered by the “what next”.
There are so many unanswered questions, big and small. Why do the dogs poop in the house? Why does my good, kind, sweet mother have debilitating fibromyalgia? We don’t get answers to these. Maybe there are answers, but we can’t see or understand. I’ve given up much of my need to know “why”. I think I’ve found why less important than, “what next?” because while we can’t control what happens to us, we can, to some degree, influence our response to it. That gives me peace. As to your other thought about connections, I’ve no idea why but I think I’ve always believed we’re all connected. And I see daily affirmations of this. Thank you for writing this, Becky. Once again you’ve touched me.
I think you’ve really touched on something I’ve been thinking about lately, giving up the why and concentrating on the what’s next. Because the why, I think, implies we’re still there, stuck in a moment. The what’s next offers a way to mice forward.
Thank you Sue!
ha! yes…. a messy eclectic beautiful discombobulated ball of confusion. that is life, isn’t it?
questions, answers and questions again. life is a long process of learning and unlearning and letting go. but in the end, i think what does matter are the connections you make along the way.
Exactly. The connections we make. I also will take that a step further and say attempting to get the connections right — to let someone know how you feel, to take chances, to continue to hope.
Thank you!
I love poetry for the same exact reason – it can be interpreted differently by each individual and at different times of reading.
Things more often than not don’t come out as we think or want. And then again, sometimes the things that do come out the way we think or want eventually turn out not to be what we really needed. It’s a process. And all we can do is to accept, like you said, moving forward in a messy eclectic beautiful discombobulated ball of confusion – and being comfortable with it.
Yes. Messy and eclectic and all that other stuff. It’s us, many of us anyway.
Thank you for being here my friend.
[…] 2. Things more often than not don’t come out as we think or want. And then again, sometimes the things that do come out the way we think or want eventually turn out not to be what we really needed. It’s a process. And all we can do is to accept (like Becky said), moving forward in a messy eclectic beautiful discombobulated ball of confusion – and being comfortable with it. ~ on That’s what she said… […]
[…] myself out of my comfort zone. It was a process. And all I could do was to accept (like Becky said), moving forward in a messy eclectic beautiful discombobulated ball of confusion – and being […]