I wrote my first post here on October 19th, 2009 — “Dreams”. Seems like an unusual amount of chaos and disconnect and friendship and love and loss and complete and ultimate connectivity has taken place in the year since I hit the publish button for the first time.
I remember sitting, trance-like, at my dining room table looking obsessively at the blog stats — it reached 27 that day. I was completely blown away. Twenty-seven people who I didn’t have to force to sit down beside me and look at my blog had read something I wrote. Someone even commented (okay, so it was my niece but I didn’t force her to do it — not really). Many things have changed since that day a year ago — many things have rocked my corner of the internet, my little corner of the universe.
I’m not one of those people who says, “I’d do it all over again and not change a thing”, I would change many things. I envy those who can look back on a year of their life and not cringe and wish for a do-over — isn’t that what learning and evolving is all about? Don’t we all have moments we wish never happened?
I also look back on this year and think about some of the truly beautiful people I have come to know and the truly beautiful experiences I have been a part of. There was dinner get togethers and lunches out. There was dancing at concerts and talks in coffee houses. There was discussions of books and laughter at movies. There were new people discovered and old friends found. There was a calm peace, a deep breath, and moments of leaping.
I’ve often wondered if I said too much here on First Pages — if I crossed the line in what should have stayed buried in my thoughts and what I decided to spread across these pages. I’ve read wonderful comments about how I said something that you couldn’t or wouldn’t — and I wonder… why? I’ve read comments that questioned my character. I’ve read comments that made me laugh and made me cry. I’ve read your comments and felt my soul fill up with the love and curiosity that I hope they were meant to have. And, on occasion, I have sulked away from this blog questioning my own intentions.
What I’ve discovered about writing, as an art form, in this last year (and please don’t confuse that statement with me thinking this is an art form here — merely a thought process) is that once a reader reads the words… the words become theirs, the meaning becomes theirs, the interpretation becomes theirs. And that’s how it should be.
I thought this would be a good opportunity for me to point out some of the posts that I completely embraced and made my own heart ache when I pushed the publish button, these may not have been the posts that received the most views or the most comments, but they are the posts that I go back to… when I need.
- For The Love of My Dogs
- Closure
- Gone Fishing… With Dad
- Smilings My Favorite
- A Simple Connection
- The Chain Reaction of Balance
- It’s Everything
- Setting Yourself On Fire
- I Want Out
- Not Pulling You Back
I think, in life — in blogging — in living each day, it’s important to look back occasionally. When we look back, we can see where we are going so much clearer. The past can sometimes cloud our thoughts and fill us with the want of a do-over — I guess, for me, I’ll never get that do-over — and actually, I’m not sure I want it. I will take a “let’s start from here” though.
I’m working on establishing a schedule for posts. I will (attempt) to post on Tuesday’s, Friday’s, and a weekend post. Of course, the joy of writing for fun is that you never know when the fun will want to be released. Also, I plan on putting up some poetry occasionally and I will continue to try my hand at flash fiction. I hope you stick around — you never know what might come out on these pages!
You don’t need a do-over. Just keep moving forward with grace and self-love. I have enjoyed this year of writing from you, and I look forward to more. Happy Anniversary.
Yep — no do-over’s. Just lessons learned and progress in forward motion. I’m looking forward to more too!
Thank you Katherine — now… back to bed with you so you get well. 🙂
I identify with and share your feelings. Ultimately it’s about you – only ever write for yourself. Others, like myself, will do as you describe – taking your words for themselves. Stay true Becky, you are a wonderful writer.
That’s probably been my hardest lesson to learn in blogging this year — to just write what I feel and someone will connect with it, writing from the heart is always the best way to do it!
Thank you!
I think it is good to look back every once in awhile too. For different reasons, I guess. For whatever reasons serve a good purpose. I am often reminded to look back when I am overwelmed with what is in front of me. Kind people in my life remind me how far I have come. So that helps me to realize that its ok.
Thanks for point out some of your favorites.
I have LOTS of kind people in my life as well… you being one of them!
Looking back can help guide my path, a little I think — but the adventure lies ahead. That’s what I’ll focus on!
Thank you!
Wait. You had 27 hits your first day? I think it took me five months to hit 27….
I don’t really think that there’s a “too far” when you’re writing honestly and from the heart. I suppose it’s possible, but I haven’t seen it here. I’m new here, but there’s a ton of wonderful riches here. I’m happy to be around in time for year two.
Ha! I visited your blog 27 times just today. 🙂
I guess I’ve always tried to be honest and write from my heart here — my new focus is to not focus on how it’s perceived and just go with it.
I’m glad you’ll be here to see what lies ahead!
Ha! Michael, funny.
I still don’t get 27 hits. But . . . . . I am not as entertaining as B!
Ha!
I’m so much more entertaining in person!
Thank you Terre!
Happy Anniversary!
You touch my heart with your writing ~involving,honest & deeply soulful writing. Good Job!
thank you for sharing
Thank you for this comment — big huge ginormous smile!
I am so inspired by your honesty and courage to share what’s deep inside you and I look forward to reading and re-reading your posts every day. xoxo
Thank you Julie.
I think when I stop (stopped) worrying about what’s occurring when it’s read, it really kind of is freeing.
Thanks for being here!
I agree with you, I’d like a “let’s start from here” too. And come to think about it, I guess that’s what happens each morning when I wake up.
Everything that happens in the past makes us who we are right now and I think very few experiences would actually benefit from a do-over.
I love this comment.
I guess there really wouldn’t be a need to evolve if we were allowed to “do-over” the mistakes or the tough times.
I agree that very few experiences would actually benefit from a do-over… although there was that one time back in ’84. 🙂
Thank you for being here and making me think and re-think!
Becky, remember, if we had to opportunity to “do over” everything would change. The good and the bad. The bad, we dust ourselves off and move on. The good is just good, let it ride. For some crazy reason we are meant to get knocked on our butts from time to time. It hurts until the hurt turns into a dull ache, a memory, a place in time to reflect and measure where we are now and how we are feeling. Who in the world knows why we have to go through so much. I don’t think anyone can answer that. All I know is that if you keep moving and keep trying the farther behind you all of that hurt will stay. The way you communicate with us through your blog helps all of us come to terms with our own past, the good and the bad. Anyway, heres to another year, a good year for all of us. Cheers Becky.
❤ Joanne
I love this comment Joanne.
I am moving forward, I think, with the help of many people (you!)
I am coming to an understanding with taking it all and not wishing for a do-over — strange… those revelations have come just in the past couple of days.
Here’s to a great year ahead for you, sweet Joanne!
It is funny how we place so much importance on the metrics. I didn’t even know you COULD insert a page counter on mine for about 2 years! maybe it was good that I didn’t know if anyone was reading.
Happy blogiversary, Becky, I’m so glad to be along on your ride of growth and change the way that you are on mine. xoxo
I didn’t know about a page counter! Hmmm, that seems like way too much anxiety for me — I look at those crazy stats enough as it is!
Thank you Lisa for always making me smile and laugh and cry and think and then laugh again!