I have a dream, always the same dream, on many occasions, since I was a young child… always the same dream. The people in the dream change, the place that the dream happens changes… the premise stays the same though — a tornado is after me and I can’t out run it. I try — I run as fast as I can, jumping fences and ponds, scaling walls and sliding down unknown paths, when I can’t run any farther, I hide in the most distant corner of my dream, I even yell at myself in the dream to “Wake Up!”. The tornado always catches me — then I wake up breathless, scared, eyes out of focus, stumbling in the dark — the same dream… ever since I was a child.
I guess, at this point, trying to pretend that my most recent dream was anything other than a tornado chasing me down while I frantically tried to run from it as I’m guarding my loved ones from its path — would be pointless. It was, in fact, a tornado dream. One of the most vivid tornado dreams I’ve ever had — with a few plot twists that I’ll share.
I was at my parents house this time — my childhood home. There wasn’t just one huge tornado as is always the case with this dream… there were many, hundreds even. And they were water spouts — not necessarily tornadoes (I know water spouts don’t actually occur in Tennessee but you know, it was a dream). I was looking out the front door, talking with my father about the best course of action to take in order to avoid complete and total annihilation… staring at these water spouts surrounding our home as they readied themselves to unleash a fury of pain upon us. Then, as sometimes is the case in my dreams as well as real life, I opened the door and walked out towards the water spouts. I thought I could wrestle them while everyone else stayed safe in the house, I thought they would go away and leave us alone.
So, I approached the closest water-spout and realized I had made a terrible mistake. I turned to go back to the semi-shelter of the house with my mother and father, but it was too late. I was knocked to the ground by the water-spout and began rolling about uncontrollably. I was able to grab a handful of grass from underneath me and clung to it to steady myself. The water-spout crashed over me like a wave in the ocean and my feet were lifted off the ground so that I was doing a hand stand as I continued to cling to the grass. There was water everywhere as I was submerged in unrelenting wave after unrelenting wave… and then I remembered — I love water.
I love the ocean and playing in the waves and being tossed around like a rag doll and steadying my feet in the sand at the edge of the water and diving deep underneath the crashing waves… I smiled. I let go of one hand and looked towards my parents who were standing in the doorway observing the chaos and I gave them a “thumbs up” (I might have winked as well, you never know — it’s my dream).
So there I was… upside down in the front yard, clinging by one hand to the grass below me, drenched in the most beautiful blue salt water, giving a “thumbs up” to my parents and a coy smile — and the water-spout was gone. Just like that — gone. I felt so self-assured, so confident… I stood up and moved towards the next water-spout and then — I awoke.
For years I have been fleeing those tornadoes — for years I have been trying to out run those damned tornadoes. I never could, they were always faster and stronger and I always woke up breathless and scared. Until this one night when I stood my ground, this one night that I didn’t run, this one night I grabbed on to the smallest blade of grass and I realized I didn’t need to flee the moment. I realized that some moments just take more patience and hesitation and assistance — some moments take assistance. So I’m daring myself to get up off the ground and move towards the tornadoes to see where they toss me. What about you? Any tornadoes tossing you around?
Not me. At my age I now take shelter during most storms. I am tired of the the fight. I do engage when necessary, but I choose my battles.
My battles needed me to face them this time. I guess I’m engaging myself 😉
I love the questions that you post, they are mechanisms to help us inch a bit closer, to? I have promised myself to sit with your words one evening when I’m not too tired. I want to sit & face myself honestly & now also the tornado spinning within me. We actually had a real one pass over us last week. Very rare for NJ. Thank you for writing & sharing.
Thank you Liz. I think… I hope I guess, that some of the things I’m experiencing aren’t too out of the ordinary. I hope I have some company in the sometimes askew path — or at least some really nice people waiting for me at the end. 😉
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment… even when you’re tired, that’s incredibly special.
Tornadoes in NJ — that’s crazy!
First~ I LOVE YOUR NEW PHOTO!!!!! YOU LOOK SO MUCH HAPPIER!
🙂 Crap! I was trying to look all smartypants and introspective!
I wasn’t done with my comment ~ my laptop overheated and shut down. I’m surprised it posted the comment. I was just about to say that your beauty and happiness in the new photo is surpassed only by your intelligence and introspection! Gotta go again but will be back to finish comment.
I love this! I’m not good at dream interpretation, but I think this one speaks (loudly) for itself. yay you! Instead of running away (or burying head in the sand, which I tend to do), you are embracing the chaos, and standing up for the challenge. I think that’s absolutely the toughest and the bestest (?) ;o) thing to do. I’ll be here, cheering you on, and I think you are going to kick these tornados asses – wait, do tornados have asses? Well you know what I mean. Life has thrown a lot, too much, IMO, at you in a very short amount of time. Deciding to get up and fight, to get your ship right, well that’s just amazing. xo #blove
Thanks c!
Thanks for coming here and reading and commenting — means a lot.
I think a lot of us/people/possibly some dogs need to get our “ships right” — nothing amazing… just realization.
Ha. You are funny. I knew when I was writing this last night, I wasn’t getting my words right. And yes, we could all use a bit of a tune up. Thankfully, unlike dogs, I am house trained AND am allowed on the couch. :o) xo
I have different reoccurring dreams, which almost came true two years ago… but I survived it (literally).
And I’m glad you stood up to the tornado!
Dreams are complicated and can mean many things, but your approach and realizations are spot on!
We all need to stand up to the tornadoes 🙂
My interest is totally piqued now! I hope you share that dream.
Thanks — I think this dream is self-explanatory (or to me anyway) so… onward we go!
Thanks for being here Estrella!
Not to gross you out with the gore details, and using tornadoes as a metaphor for stress caused by certain people and happenings, I just meant that I died in my dreams, and almost did real-life too.
That’s why I loved your deduction, we need to stand up to the tornadoes and just go forward in spite of any fear 🙂
Holy moly! How cool is that? You stood your ground and look what happened? You were immersed in something that at first seemed terrible and scary, but then it dawned on you that there is an ok, if not good, side to it and you were able to handle/deal with it.
Wow. Holy moly.
That is just — wow, holy moly — wow. Incredible.
Wow. I think this is soooo cool.
Awesome.
I keep thinking, “Wow! Holy moly!”
Now I’m all smiles. Thanks Terre!
Honestly… I hoping that dream is indicative of things to come.
Thank you for your wow’s.
Well, what I was kind of thinking was that YOU changed what you were seeing.
You WERE in the middle of the water spout. It did not change, YOU changed the way you were looking at it. In other words, stuff happens, not all of it is good, but we can change our attitude and maybe SEE the good or see how we can learn something from it.
So . . . . . . see where I’m going?
(Rewind, back in time:)
“Becky—-
Now I’m all smiles. Thanks Terre!
Honestly… I am going to make that dream indicative of things to come. There’s ‘stuff’ but I will see it in a positive I-love-water-light.
Thank you for your wow’s.”
Oh, see how I changed your reply back to me? Ask Mr. P, I am sneaky that way.
Hugs!
I tweeted your post that is how Mr. P ended up over here.
🙂
I feel I was more of the tornado when I was very young. Now I ride the tornadoes of others.
The dream that attacks me ongoing is that of some kind of height. A glass elevator on the outside of a building that is broken. A bridge that is 10 miles above the ground and has a steep lean and no guard rails. Being in a house that has suddenly decided to start rising straight up.
There came a day when I finally told the dream that it wasn’t good enough anymore. Much like Jaws 1, it really lost it’s impact over the years.
1) I feel very honored to have you here Mr. Pruitt! Husband of my friend!!
2) I have not had the height dream — hmmm, I wonder what that one means?
3) I love that you told the dream it wasn’t good enough anymore — how affirming!
4) Speaking of Jaws… it was on cable over the weekend and my kids watched it — it has not lost it’s impact. They were freaked out (that’s probably a bad mommy moment for me).
Thanks for stopping by!
Wow. Nice to see you here, Mr. P.
Yeah, I know about those dreams, thanks. Those are the ones where you start (start as in a little jump-twitch) in bed and scare me.
How liberating! I’ve had a couple of similar experiences. I had one when I was very young, and one of my brothers taught me how to handle a nightmare. I don’t know where he learned this; knowing him he probably made it up as he went along but it sounded so good. He told me that when I dreamed something or someone was chasing me, I should stop running, stand my ground, turn and face the monster (or whatever) and say, “You don’t scare me. This is my dream and I’m in control, not you. So you just be nice or go away.” And the weird thing…it worked! I haven’t tried that as an adult but your post reminded me of this. I did have another dream where my parents were belittling my spouse. In my dream I said, “If he’s good enough for God, he’s good enough for me!” I awoke with a sense of peace that I’ve carried with me ever since. Thanks again Becky for sharing your intimate moments with us!
I have often told myself in the midst of a dream that it was a dream — sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.
I love that you were so affirming in your dream in regards to your husband — he must be very special to have you!
Thanks for stopping by and reading and commenting!
I love seeing you here!
I used to have the same dream/nightmare for many years. Walking alone in the middle of the night in a city street. Reaching my apartment building and knowing that there was a “monster” hiding behind the door so I always turned around and ran back out into the night.
Until one night, I opened the door because I was tired of being afraid. The monster was a shadow who gave an anemic growl and disappeared.
That’s not to say that I’m not a fraidy cat about many things still. Though haven’t had that dream anymore.
I like that story Marisa — that’s a great story.
Thank you!
Just realized that I hadn’t commented on the post, just your photo! I often realize in my dreams that I’m dreaming, though it doesn’t seem to change anything. I don’t have the same dream anymore (though I did for many years), but I often start the dreams as myself then “morph” into someone else – sometimes real, sometimes not – but still know it’s really me. often I morph/change into more than one person during the same dream.
I love how as soon as you remembered that you loved water, you were in control. What progress you made! Hmmm… kind of reminds me of your real life.
Love you bunches! What a bad ass tornado kicker you are!
Tornado kicker!
That made me laugh.
Thank you for reading this Dani!