Starting this blog was preceded by opening a twitter account which was preceded by opening a Facebook account which was preceded by learning to text and email and IM and gchat. Many of these things I do to some capacity each day. I have some amazing friends that allow me to stay connected to them in all the ways that are possible and unfortunately in this often confusing world we live in, staying in touch by phone or by physical contact is difficult.
I work with an incredible group of women. They are intelligent and funny and out-spoken and crusaders and really good dressers. We spend a huge amount of time together. We share an office, we talk about work, we go to lunch, we attend parties and functions and we text and email and Facebook (and sometimes they sneak over here) — we spend a lot of time together. And then… we’re done. We reach our limit and we need to step away from one another. We need to separate and we need a space to take a breath. And when we return to each other, we can laugh again and love again and be together. They fill my soul each day whether I speak to them or not.
I used to think that the people I communicated with online were “not real”. I used to think they were just pretend people who didn’t really exist — I could come and go as I pleased. Even the people I knew from years past — I hadn’t seen them in so long, it was easy to dismiss them as “not real”. What I said or how I acted would have no effect on them because… they weren’t real. But then I made some incredible connections that led to people I am friends with now and forever, really. Recently I’ve had some incredible moments with a friend I know only through this keyboard. We spend time together, we greet each other in passing, we have long talks about boys and work and life. We step away when we need to, but I have no fear that she’ll be there when I call and I will be here for her — she fills my soul.
I often wonder about the people I’ve met strictly online who say they need to step away from the online world, they say they spend too much time there, they say it’s addicting. I do understand this to a point. I wrote here of my often confusing feelings about the ether world. I realized recently though, through a conversation I had online with my dearest and oldest friend, that without this keyboard… without the online world, we would never connect. I think the way we communicate through social media is, or should be, reflective of the way we communicate in the physical world. Those of us who are closed-off — will most likely revert to that, those of us who are self-absorbed — will most likely revert to that, those of us who are insecure — will most likely revert to that — or will we?
I’m asking. I think having the security of a keyboard to buffer a new relationship can be very freeing. We can overcome our shyness, our awkwardness, our disconnectedness. We can be the friend we want to be — and we can expand our friendships to venture in to the physical world, when the time is right.
I have good friends I’ve never met. I have good friends I never get to see and touch and hear their voice. We text and email and instant message and gchat and Facebook and blog. And when we need to step away and allow space between us to take a breath… it makes coming back together even more special. My friends are my friends because they fill my soul — sometimes while holding my hand and sometimes while typing on this keyboard. And that is very real to me.
First Pages 
Becky,
I agree with you. It is possible to make real friends online. I have always been aware that there was a real person on the other side. Communication is actually more difficult because you rely solely on words. There are no physical cues to tell you how the other person is reacting. It becomes so important to choose your words carefully.
I am one of those who occasionally need to take a break from my online activities. Sometimes it is just too noisy and I get lost in all of the chatter. I am generally better one on one and get overwhelmed with following several
conversations at once on Twitter. Other times, I am so into the twitter talk that hours have gone by without my even noticing. I am currently trying to take a break from Twitter to focus on personal projects. But, I am not letting it keep me away from your blog. Before I left I tried to make certain people I care about knew why I would not be around. Too many times people I cared about just disappeared online and I was left just wondering.
Our friendships online are no less real than those in real life. I actually think I am more open and share my feelings more with my online friends than I do with those who I see every day. I am not sure why that is, maybe because I express myself in writing better than I do actually talking with someone.
My convictions sway on a daily basis. I think it’s easy for people to forget a real human is attached to the other end. But, I do agree that some people communicate more readily online. This is a topic I think about often.
Love this B! I think that without this keyboard, without friends like you, I would still be in my little cave. Content, but not happy, alive but not living. I have come to know so many amazing people through Twitter, you of course are one of the most amazing, I can’t imagine my life without it, frankly. I’m not embarrassed to say that. I think for us shy, reticent folks, the keyboard and access to amazing people have opened up a whole new world, one where I can be comfortable. I can engage, or hover in the background, whichever feels the most comfortable at the moment. I can participate or not in silly conversations or meaningful discussions. I can pause and delete things before they are “heard.” Although I don’t normally delete things before I hit submit or tweet (even though I probably should sometimes) knowing it’s an option is very comforting. I can say things here on your blog and a few others, that I can’t say anywhere else. I’ve learned things on twitter and blogs about my friends, about myself, that I never would have known. Some people say I shouldn’t share so much of myself “out here,” but I would be missing the best of what these forums offer. A chance for friendship, fellowship, and #bffs :o). nope, I don’t think I could or would go back into my cave now. Thank you B, you and First Pages have been so important for me, a huge reason I am out of that cave. xox
I’m glad you’re out of your cave and even more glad that you are here and EVEN MORE glad that we’re friends. I’ve met some amazing people online as well, I think though, that is easy to lose friendships if there isn’t any real time spent with each other. I don’t know… hmmm, I’ll keep this one in my mind for a while.
Social Networking truly is that and it is so different to so many people.
Friends of mine that I know face-to-face that are not online so much don’t get it when I say I have friends online that I “talk” to everyday. They are still of the train of thought that it is not the “real” world, but online IS the real world. This is not a MORPG (multiplayer online role-playing game), it is real, we are not playing roles. So we do have real friends.
And online friends, just like friends that we know in person and face-to-face, fill certain roles and needs. I’m of the belief that not one person, not one friend can fill every need so sometimes they drift in and out and away and back. Not all my friends fill my soul that is not their role, they just are my friend. And that is ok with me. To me, that is just life.
You are a friend I like to see everyday, either here or on Twitter, or on FB. I just like to make sure that things are ok. To me, it sounds as if you have made peace with the online friend thing–at least for now.
I think, for me, I let so few people in my life — so few that I consider real friends and that I want to spent time with (in the ether or in the physical world), that the ones I do finally let in my stoney heart… fill my soul.
I like to see certain people everyday too, just like in my physical world, I see certain people everyday — maybe just in passing, maybe for lunch, maybe a quick text… it makes a difference.
Yeah, we are all different. I have a lot of people I call friends and they are very special, but they are not all “soul fillers”. I would consider them real friends though because I know that we would be there for each other if the need arose. With some it could be that they might be in my life because they fill the need of mine to be a soul filler, I might be in their life to help them, but that doesn’t mean it goes the opposite way. I have moved past the idea that everyone in my life that I call a friend has to meet a need of mine. Sometimes it is nice to just hang. And as long as the friend is not a negative force or an energy vampire, I’m ok with them just being a friend. Yeah, like I said, we are all different.
I sincerely hope that I am one of your “real” friends. You were my first friend online, and I consider you my VeryBFF ~ and it’s ok if I’m not yours. You know my daughter is my very, very best friend, and I am SO fortunate to have several people from twitter and blogs who I consider BFF’s. I don’t “rate” the friendships, I just know that you are all people I have fallen in love with. In fact, I have more people I feel are close friends now than I have ever had my whole life. And I feel that I am more “me” than I have ever been. Like Mary, I think I am better able to express myself in writing than speaking ~ I need time to formulate my thoughts. I often shock myself at how much I open up in comments here and at Zebra Sounds. I think I feel I am talking directly to you and j, and forget that other people will also read my comments. I know I have far less fear of taking risks and venturing into areas of life that are definitely out of my comfort zone. I hope I never revert back to the person I was before. Sometimes I go back a little, but I am aware of it and I try to discover the reason. As you know, I’m doing that right now, but for a specific need to give myself time and space to heal from pain caused by my own actions. And though I have retreated from the twitter community that I really do love and hope to go back to at some point, I am doing what I can to remain in contact with the people who I love as “real” friends. I have great hope that the positive changes in my life that have evolved from being online are with me to stay. I have even greater hope that the friendships will last, too. “Really” loving you. *Big Squishy Hugs*
Of course you’re real Dani. I think for me… I often think people I know online don’t recognize that I am real, with feelings and thoughts and ideas. It’s something I’ve (probably) spent too much time trying to process!
Thank you for your openness and honesty here.
You’re the realest person to me online – both on twitter and especially here in your posts and your comments. And I am fortunate enough to have had DMs and emails from you that showed without a doubt that you care about me – how much more real can one be than to be concerned about others? I’m not saying everyone recognizes that in everyone else online, but I KNOW it about you. It’s your openness and honesty and genuine caring that allows me (and others) to be open and honest here. Thank YOU. *Big Tight Squishy Hugs*
Forgive me for butting in . . . . I miss Dani on Twitter. (Just wanted to put that out there so she knows she is missed.)
I am happy to see she might come back one of these days. Yay!
Terre ~ Email coming soon, I promise! *Big Extra Squishy Hugs* And thank you for letting me know you miss me!
It amazes me how much I ended about caring about the “friends” I made on Twitter. I applaud their successes and am saddened by their defeats.
I’m sure that if I ever met them in real life, I would like them just as much as I do now. Spending time on the keyboard has allowed so many to open up in a way that would take much longer in real life.
I feel the same way Marisa. I care about my friends — no matter where I know them from. And maybe, your last point is crucial — physical world friendships take time to develop and online friendships seem to be on overdrive sometimes. Both are good I think.
Thank you!