Audio — Easily Forgotten <~~~ Disclaimer! 😉 This is my first attempt at an audio recording and it didn’t actually work. That Is All!
I rarely have trouble remembering the people who have passed through my life and left their mark on me. It’s not often that I forget the things they said or the things they did or the way they treated me. I remember simple interactions that should not, in the grand scheme of things, have settled into my memories. I should not have kept them, I should not recall them at will to relive those times that meant something to me but were just a simple passing to someone else — but I do. I guess that makes me a bit strange or difficult to be around. I’m the one who remembers that phone call you made to me just to say hi and the laughs we shared while we were at lunch and that postcard you mailed that arrived just in time to brighten my day. But, despite my ability to remember some fairly insignificant facts — I sometimes have trouble recalling a name.
I become very aware of this in my work and… Facebook. In my work, I have meaningful contact with a variety of people. We will become fast and furious friends and comrades to problem solve a tough case and for several weeks we spend enormous amounts of time together — then, it’s over. I move on to the next tough case and they become a memory — one that I lose, one that I have difficulty recalling the specifics of… their name escapes me. I often feel the same disconnect with Facebook. I see a face and I think I must know them because most of my friends know them so I must know them as well. But the name holds no meaning to me. And their face seems vaguely familiar but is lost in my over-crowded memory. I wonder… is this me? Is this how I appear to some of you?
I was recently talking to a close friend about fears and if the fears we (and by we I mean me) were having were actually valid or completely made up. I think I have an old person’s fear — the fear of being forgotten. This could possibly be the driving force behind some of my more needy interactions.
I remember when my father had first been diagnosed with lung cancer. We had googled the statistics and knew the overall outlook was grim. He had really never been faced with his own immortality, even at 70, because his health had always been impeccable. At 70, he had never been hospitalized for anything… ever. So, the outlook of lung cancer hit hard. One night in a tearful exchange, he said his biggest fear was for the babies of our family. He was afraid they were so young that they would forget him and how much he loved them. I assured him he would live on in their thoughts — he could rely on the movies and the pictures and me — he could rely on my memory for the minute to tell his stories.
So… back to my own fear of being forgotten. Perhaps this is why I developed such a quick wit (yes, I’m funny in person… I swear). Perhaps this is why I feel so strongly about the words I choose to leave here upon these pages. Perhaps this is why I make sure I remember those simple words and everyday occurrences that bounce off the majority of the people and stick to me. I want to be able to walk away and still have you hold my name close to your heart. I want to be able to leave your side but still have you whisper about me in my absence. I want you to remember that none of us should be easily forgotten.
I can’t imagine any circumstance short of total amnesia in which I could forget your name ~ perhaps if I had dementia I might only remember to call you “b” ~ but it’s not your name that is most important to me. It’s YOU ~ your friendship, your kindness, your wit, your generosity, your beautiful smile, your beautiful soul, the multitude of ways your have inspired me, the countless ways that you have impacted my life for the better. Meeting you has brought about more positive changes in my life than anyone else. Ever. I love you. And I know you love me cuz you tweeted it! And you gave me Mickey Mouse ears! If only you could see yourself through others’ eyes, Becky. Not just mine. You’re not perfect. Perfection does not exist in any human being. But you ARE unique and amazing and too many wonderful things to list. I guarantee that it is impossible for my heart to EVER forget you!
{Oh, and you reading your words is stunning! I didn’t think it was possible to put more emotion into your writing, but you do. I wish you’d read your poetry sometime, too. You have a beautiful voice for expressing your feelings. And a REALLY cute accent!}
You don’t have to remember my name. I guess you can’t remember my face since you haven’t seen much of it. But please don’t ever forget all of the wonderful things you’ve done for me and how very much I love you. ❤
Thanks Dani — I think we all have a little bit of that need to be remembered. Why else do we take pictures of ourselves and give them to our relatives and friends? Why else do we make home movies? Why else do we carefully craft a card or note? Why else do we strive to make such a difference in our jobs? To be remembered by someone who is special to us! I think it’s human nature!
Ha! There is NO chance I’ll do that with the poetry! But thanks for the thought.
Oh my! How awesome. What a nice voice you have. You sound so comfortable reading your words to me. (Yes, you were reading them just to me!)
I cannot tell you anything about this type of fear, because I don’t have it. As long as I am loved in the here and now . . . .I am fine with that. If people forget me while I am gone, oh well, I am gone . . . they will have many other things and people to fill their thoughts. Such is life. I am ok with that.
My beliefs are such that when I die what is waiting for me will surpass anything that I can worry about in this realm. I don’t fear that I will be forgotten, I fear that those left behind will not be well. But I figure it I cram enough “happy” in while I am here, then they will be fine.
I have been thinking about recording my blog, but now, I am not so sure. I could never do it as well as you. It was awesome to listen to. Thank you. I loved hearing your voice.
I am happy to have you in my life in the here, in the now . . . I have too much on my mind (it is very small and over-crowded) to worry about when I am dead or when people I know are not around. NOW! That’s where I am. Be here with me!
Of course I was reading to you. 😉
Yes — exactly. Your cramming enough happy into the people around you to make them happy will, in turn, leave your mark on them… right? Your attitude will be remembered. Your awesomeness will be remembered — otherwise, I think, we would all be hermits instead of sparkly awesome people!
Thanks Terre!
Well said, Becky. I have the same problem remembering names. I work with so many students and parents it’s overwhelming…and on a good day, I have trouble remembering names. It’s been a fault of mine as long as I can remember and I really hate it. I’ve always envied people who have the gift of total recall at seeing a face. Anyway, I won’t forget your name. I wish I had the opportunity to get to know you personally. I like you b/c you are one of the children of a person I loved dearly and respected. I’m liking you more as I read you thought processes. Your sense of humor and compassion for others shine through your words…not to mention your absolute delight in life. My desire is to remember more of the good things and people in my life and let go of the not so good…maybe someday. Blessings to you.
Thank you Laurette!
Perfect!
I love this life and think I’m doing pretty well in it!
Thank you for reading here and commenting and being supportive!
I’ve often thought the same thing. It’s not that I crave attention, but I just don’t want to be forgotten. Okay, maybe I’ll sparkle a little… 😉
You sparkle a lot Julie!
Well, I for one will never forget you Becky! If it wasn’t for you, I am convinced Adam would still be wearing diapers! And maybe he still wouldn’t even be talkiing! Ha! Just kidding.
But I’m not kidding when I say you helped our family more than you will ever know. I will never forget your kindness, your concern for my child, how you always fought for him and supported him. And I will sure never forget your wit and that fantastic sense of humor of yours. Adam will never forget you either. He told me so.
Well… that just made my day!
I will never forget Adam either. I talk about him all the time — makes my heart happy to know he’s doing so well!
This post really moved me Becky. I can appreciate your memories of seemigly insignificant interactions with people. When you think of it though, they are very significant. Whatever transpired in those few moments or few weeks may very well have had a strong impact on the person they were shared with. Those people may also hold that shared time with you in their memory as well. You had an impact that won’t be forgotten. If you don’t think so, just ask them…remember when we/you…….?
During this rather quiet past few years of my life, I often look back and wonder if I will be forgotten. Facebook has relieved that fear so much as I have found friends going back to when I was 11 years old. My two older children’s friends have tracked me down and remember me as their “campground mom”, or a mother-like influence at some point in time. It’s very comforting to be remembered. Little comments here and there can be quite profound. The other day on the phone with one of my nephews he refered to our previous conversation and told me that it had a trememdous impact on him and he thanked me.
You could never possibly be forgotton Becky, you love so hard and feel so much that everyone who comes in contact with you, either in person or on a social network like FB or twitter is genuinely better off, wiser and more loved from knowing you. Personally, I hope to be in contact with you for a long time to come.
Beautiful blog. ❤
Thank you for this comment Joanne.
I ove that story about talking to your nephew. I think that’s the point. Sometimes we don’t realize that an interaction has taken on such meaning for the other person — but it has.
I like the phrase “you love so hard” — I think you just gave me an idea for another post. Sometimes I love too hard.
Thank you!
xox Becky. I’m sorry it has taken me over a day to post a comment, I have been waiting for 3 minutes of quiet in order to listen to your beautiful voice read your beautiful words. Alas – yesterday I could not find those minutes. I recently was told by some ppl that my comments on blogs are good, so of course I have severe stage fright right now as I leave a comment, but as you are my #bff B, I cannot not leave a comment to this beautiful meaningful post. So of course as you know I can talk forever – I will try eventually to get to my point. I remember names, in fact I once approached a girl my freshman year in high school and said something like – weren’t we best friends in kindergarten? And I believe I re-told some story about her. Yes, it was a little freaky for her, but also an amazing parlor trick for my friends who couldn’t believe it. Yes, I remember insignificant things like how many strikeouts Randy Johnson had, or random facts I read in a magazine – forever. I also used to be very observant, like you, and pick up on the smallest things and hold them close to my heart. I do not know when I lost this gift (yes gift), but I did, and I would like it back. The ability to remember the small kindness – that is everything. We rarely have the knight in shining armor coming to rescue us from the deep dark pits of despair, we have instead a million little acts, a million small moments, to remind us that we are loved, respected, that we matter. That is a gift, a precious one at that and I do envy your ability to capture and keep those. I’m working on re-gaining that ability, but for now it includes saving emails, “favoriting” kind tweets, and making gifts for random (and #bff) friends, so that I will remember how much I love them, and they will remember me? I don’t know. I’m not sure. Ok, I have officially started rambling, and I see I already have another post to comment on! Yikes. Well it is a gift, what you have, and I will not, could not and do not, forget how full of fantastic sparkly awesomeness you are. Not possible, as I would imagine for anyone else’s hearts and minds you have touched.
xoxox from your late, rambling, wordmaker-up #bff c
You’re always just in time!
I think it’s human nature to want to be remembered by the people we care about, even the people we care about for brief periods, otherwise I think we would all be asses… right?
I mean if we didn’t care about the memory that we are creating why would we even bother?
I love your comments.
Thank you for your friendship.