My hand has hovered over the “deactivate account” button many times in the last two weeks — but, I can’t seem to drop it down and sever my ties… my connection to the people on the other end. The reasons why I have thought so often about pressing that button are so juvenile that to tell you here would only give you way too much insight into the 12-year-old mind that often overtakes my psyche — so, I won’t. But the reasons why I can’t follow through — why I didn’t and am convinced I won’t follow through might be worth sharing… so, I will.
I can already see the puzzled, “what the hell is she talking about”, look on many faces as you read this. I can also see the smiles beginning to curl around the ends of the lips as the recognition makes it’s self known to you others. In this instance, I’m speaking of Twitter. But, before I lose those of you who don’t use twitter, let me say… it’s about life and connection and friendship and encouragement and anger and intrigue and crushes and flirting.
A few years ago, my 10th high school reunion was scheduled. I very much wanted to be a part of this celebration — to see and to talk and to hug the people who I hadn’t seen for 10 years — the same people who just 10 years earlier I couldn’t make it through a day without connecting with on some level. As fate and timing would have it, it didn’t seem too possible for me to attend. My grandmother had just died and I drove home from Missouri (8 hours) on the day of the reunion as my daughter, then six months old, screamed the entire journey (8 hours). I reached home crying, frazzled, in need to run away and with no intention on making it to the reunion that would begin in less than an hour. My parents practically threw me in the shower and shoved me out the door — so, I went. I had a great time that I can still see vividly in my thoughts, 14 years later. The connection and the flirting and the anger and the friendship were all there — waiting for me to drink it (and a few margaritas) in. Even though I hadn’t spoken to many of these friends in 10 years.
This scenario repeated itself during my 20th high school reunion. My father was scheduled for surgery to remove his cancer infested lung the day after my reunion and I was in no mood to attend. But my best friend, my soul sister, had flown in from Montana (at my constant prodding) to attend. So, there I was — being thrown into the shower, being forced to dress-up, being tossed out the door and into one of the single most wonderful nights of my life (hint: there were margaritas). Even though I hadn’t spoken to many of these people in the 10 years since the last reunion.
So… back to Twitter. I stumbled upon Twitter when I was bored and hanging out in the Alive Hospice house during my mother’s final days. I dabbled here and there until I figured it out and began chatting with some funny interesting people. One of whom, (most likely unknown to her), encouraged me to start this blog. Twitter has broken me often (again, to explain this would be to give you far too much insight into my 12-year-old mind), but it has saved me more times than I can count. I started exercising and eating healthy and losing weight and writing and expressing and sharing and connecting and laughing and joking and thinking and breathing… I started breathing. Everyday, I take a breath and locate my friends and chat. Everyday… not every 10 years.
My hand hovers, as of late. It wants to disconnect my mind from the world at my fingertips. It wants to separate me from the thing that has, at times, left me emotionally naked. But I know what the friends I’ve met have given me. I know what this blog has given me. I know what breathing and thinking and connecting and caring have given me. So, my hand may hover on occasion over that “deactivate account” button, but it won’t follow through — I won’t let it. Already this week I’ve talked to three people who I have a strong emotional connection with, I’ve chatted with three New York Times best-selling authors about dogs and treadmills and vacations, I’ve chatted with friends about their health and their jobs and their love life. I’ve connected with real people, who like me, have real lives and real feelings and real emotions. Who have you connected with?
Picture from Kind Over Matter
First Pages 
I am very happy to have connected with you…
I have come close to deactivating my account as well and I don’t even know if I could tell you why. I sometimes feel as if I am on the outside, living vicariously through others. And maybe should be trying to make more connections IRL. But, like you, I have made some real connections on Twitter. The last two Sundays I have met up with friends I met on Twitter. Last Sunday we went out to dinner and spent 4 hours talking. It was great!
Twitter in many ways has saved me too. There is a level of support that has been unmatched in any other area of my life. I cherish the friends I have made there, even though I will most likely never meet any of them in real life. I once told Hippiechick that she was the best friend that I would never meet!
Ha! Hippiechick IS one of the coolest chicks around!
I bet you meet her one day — anything is possible.
Thanks for being here Mary — we are definitely connected!
Would like to meet you someday too…
I’m glad to have connected with you! ❤
Oh my gosh! That’s totally weird — I was just reading your blog and commenting … *cue Twilight Zone music*
I’m really glad to have connected with you too (bunnies and all <3).
Be prepared for mushy, b ~ (and too long, I know)
I started on twitter following only food bloggers and I NEVER interacted. Then one of them (I suspect it was @simmertilldone) either conversed with you or retweeted your tweet and you were funny, so I started following you. Still not tweeting myself other than an occasional retweet, I gradually began following many of the people you tweeted with like @jdistraction and @SunnySoCal. I was in awe of how witty you all were. I know it’s hard to believe, but I had been shy, very guarded and introverted my whole life (except for a brief period in the eighties that you don’t want to know about.) One day I took the leap and barged into a conversation you were having. From the very beginning you were warm, friendly and welcoming. I couldn’t believe it when you started following me! I was thrilled, but intimidated, to be talking with the cool girls. Just as surprising to me was that I felt comfortable showing “me” ~ it was the first time in my 58 years that I had ever let my guard down and talked without censoring myself first so as not to let others “see” me. YOU were the one who made me feel it was okay, who made me feel safe. And the life-altering changes didn’t stop there. You introduced me to so many wonderful, smart, witty, funny, kind, cool people! You sent me a Mickey Mouse hat!!! AND you introduced me to writers. (By the way, not one of them is any better than you. I wish that you would accept what a gifted writer you are, whether prose or poetry. AND what a truly special person you are!) Through Twitter, through YOU, I’ve met amazing people, I’ve become REAL friends with many, and I became a poet myself. 😉
You also are the one who emailed me, I don’t know how many times that day, questioning me and helping me figure out what was going on when I was going to hit that “deactivate account” button a few months ago. Because of our conversation that day, I was able to put into focus how many people who I’d met on Twitter that I really care about, who I consider friends-in-real-life even if I never meet any of you in person. People who I trust, who I lean on, who I want to be there for, who I love.
My life has changed beyond anything I had ever imagined. I am more authentic and open than I had thought possible. For the first time, I have more than three people I consider friends. I write! Not only are you the one directly responsible for these changes, you’re my best friend (well, after my daughter) and I don’t need to be your best friend to feel loved and accepted by you. I can never thank you enough.
I hope you don’t EVER allow yourself to hit that “deactivate account” button, b. But if you do, I won’t let you go. I have your contact information in “the real world” and you are my “real” friend. You’ll have to tell me directly to leave you alone if you want me out of your life. Even then, I won’t ever stop loving you.
I’ve connected with you, and through you, I’ve connected with a Twitterverse full of people, and I’ve connected with myself. *Hugs Full of Love and Gratitude*
Thank you Dani. You are queen of the cool girls for sure. 😉
Nope, that’s your title! I’d love to borrow the tiara sometime, though. ;D
Well, snap! What can anyone say after what Dani just said?
I think that when gamers used to game (yes, they still do, but I am using the past tense to tell my theory) they used Avatars, yes? Not their real names, faces, etc. So there was more of a “in real life” type of thing.
Twitter, FaceBook, e-mail, all of that stuff IS REAL LIFE. Maybe not face-to-face or in person, but it is REAL. It is just the same as letter writing/pen pals except we do it pretty much instantly and on line. There are ALWAYS going to be people/situations/conversations/whatever that make you want to “deactivate”, but that just helps prove it is REAL life. That is the way life is.
I am not going to give you more of a speech about not being a 12 year old because you are entitled to be 12 right now. I would imagine you are raw. But hang in there.
Life is a roller coaster. Twitter, FaceBook, all that is part of it. Buckle in and throw your arms up, Baby, but don’t spill your margarita!
Once again you gave me a perspective that I hadn’t thought about… it is real life to want to deactivate from situations isn’t it? Hmmm… thank you Terre. Oh, and I never spill my margarita!
Oh my. I thought for sure I couldn’t follow Dani, and then Terre said probably the only thing one could say to follow Dani. Frak. Ok, well since you know I never know when to shut up… Wow. Yes, there are times I’ve wanted to walk away from Twitter just like Mary, Dani, you – probably everyone who has ever been there and cared about the people they have met there. I think that may be the thing – I care about you and Mary and Dani and a few others, I mean for real. Unlike in-person and pen pals we are limited on Twitter and when people we care about are having an off day, or are struggling with things we don’t know anything about, or heaven forbid – don’t care about us the way we care about them – and say or don’t say things that hurt or affect us in a negative way – we are limited in our response. 140c meh – I can barely start whining in 140. Email? I only have a few of your emails, I don’t know – I think a few weeks or months ago, when I seriously considered leaving Twitter – it was because I realized some of my connections aren’t reciprocal – but then I realized – who cares? I mean I’m trying to be a better person, and if I feel good having a friend I enjoy talking to – then yay. If they don’t feel exactly the same way – well too bad. I cannot control how others interact with me, I can only control how I interact with them, so I decided to stay, and to realize that we are all on Twitter for different reasons, as long as we are genuine, then I’m happy.
PS – you leave Twitter, I will hunt you down and sign you back up. :o) #kidding #youknowIamnotkidding
PPS – you leave Twitter, I’m going to call you daily until you sign back up. #againyouknowIamnotkidding
PPPS – You are an amazing person and a fantastic friend and if everything else about Twitter were to go away right now – as long as I’m connected to you – I’m good. xoxo :o)
Ha! I’ve gladly given you every way known to stay connected —
Limited on twitter is exactly the point — thanks for making you and I unlimited!
It is so funny that I ended up here, I just recently had this conversation with someone I met on twitter, someone who has become a friend. I only entered the online world this year (blogs, facebook, twitter), and more than anything I have been surprised by the friends I have made. I have never been a person to have a lot of friends, I spend a lot of time alone, by choice, I work as an artist and that alone time is a requirement.
Through twitter, and my blogs, I have met people I never would have known otherwise. Wonderful people. Friends. I only see my “real life” friends a few times a year, we are all so busy, but through twitter and facebook I can maintain relationships with those friends as well as some that I have never met face to face. And I consider a few of the people that I have met online to be real friends.
Te 12 year old stuff? We all have it, buried beneath the surface.
Thanks for this.
Thank you so much for this comment and for stopping by and reading! That really means a lot to me.
The digital world does make it much easier to stay connected to people and to make those initial connections.
Also, I’m glad the 12 year old lives in others too — 😉
I think of Twitter is a great place to meet like-minded people. It is also good for lite, fun, chitchat, but not the place to have a meaningful conversation. Anything deeper does require more than 140 characters.
To be honest, Becky, you confused the hell out of me when I first ran across you on Twitter. I didn’t know where you were coming from. Then I read this blog and I was hooked. I knew you were worth the effort to get to know better. From there we also became Facebook friends. Had our only contact been Twitter I do not believe we would have the connection that we do now.
So I like to think of Twitter as the introduction. If the friendship is to go to a different level, it also needs to go to a different platform.
I’m going to assume that me confusing you is a compliment! 😉
Yes — friendships have many different platforms and to restrict a friendship to any one mode of connection I think is restricting the possibility of growth.
Let me add something to the comments…
I think that having friendships and connections are vital to human growth. In our world as we know it now, the way people connect is totally different from even just a few years ago — it’s quick and fast and spotty. I think friendships can form and endure as long as there is some sort of meaningful connection. Whether it comes every 10 years or everyday.
Twitter, facebook, email, text — they all play a role in our social worlds (good or bad).
I’d like to think (as Mary said) that these type of social media relationships are just the beginning to lasting friendships.
We all need connection.
We all need friends.
We all need each other.
When I started on twitter, I had NO idea that I would end up following some wonderful people who have become friends and sources of inspiration who I would miss terribly if they were no longer on twitter ~ including/especially YOU
And you Simon! What would we (I) do without my Scottish crush?
Thank you for always being inspiring!
And you Simon! What would we (I) do without my Scottish crush?
Thank you for always being inspiring!
Terre was right – we can know it is real life because it has bad bits in it. Twitter’s not perfect – but it’s not my first dive into social media, and it’s far and away the best one yet. You and my other friends from there are part of the reason why. 🙂
{{{hugs}}}
Thanks Lydia.
You are an inspiration to me and many others!
Thank you for being here!
This post really made me think. I don’t use Twitter, don’t know a thing about it, and will confess I don’t even know what a “tweet” is. But I have felt the same way with FB and speaking for myself, I often get frustrated with my “addiction” to it. I gave it up for Lent last year and it was a lesson in discipline I will never forget. I have often “hovered” over the deactivate account button and yes, I have hit it before. I stayed off of it a few months. Then last February, there was a shooting on the campus that my son attends (UAH) and I was frightened beyond belief when I learned about it and couldn’t find out much information right after it happened. I learned that I was able to find out more on what students and the community were writing on FB pages than I could on the news! So I reactivated my account which is as easy as signing back in (yeah, what a joke).
Like you said, “we all need connection, we all need friends, we all need each other.” That pretty much sums it all up. Thanks for making me think Becky.
I do think it’s the same with facebook Gail. It’s easy to chat with people without putting too much time into it. It’s convenient. But the connections that we establish are the same I think.
Thanks Gail!
You made me think about my own addiction to the internet (though with 3 jobs it’s not such a problem by now, I was worse during my high school years).
I use Twitter mostly to advertise my blog and tweet sometimes when I have the time to, but I mostly love connecting with everyone and I do my best to visit each blog I love once in a while, even leave comments as often as I can.
So glad we connected Becky, I’m glad your hand only hovers over the “deactivate” button and won’t follow through!
Thank you! It can be such a thin line to try not to cross when it comes to people and opening up and connections — the internet has desensitized us a bit I believe. We need to remember that the people typing on the other end are real.
Thanks for stopping by!
[…] say they spend too much time there, they say it’s addicting. I do understand this to a point. I wrote here of my often confusing feelings about the ether world. I realized recently though, through a […]