I’m a mother. By definition this means I have enough guilt in my being to keep the Las Vegas strip shining bright. Guilt becomes us.
I think because of this, others are able to use our guilt against us. They are able to sway our decisions based on what they need as opposed to our own needs and wants. I’m guilty of this as well — not proudly so, but guilty of spreading the guilt to those I knew would feel it… it’s a subconscious act I think. I would never overtly wish guilt on friends or family. But instinctually, I know where it lies.
I’ve been thinking recently about my role as a mother — the mistakes I’ve made, the things I’ve done right. I truly think the things I’ve done right outweigh the mistakes. My biggest mistake with my kids has been not letting them see that I am a person. Not just an organizer or a driver or a chef or a housekeeper — I am a person. I’ve recently started to help them to understand this. It has started small, really. I don’t go to every game they are playing — sometimes, I just can’t. And that’s ok. I don’t get them to every event at their schools — and that’s ok. I don’t fix all their problems — and that’s ok. I’m letting them be more independent, something I’ve needed to allow myself to be. And, strangely enough — they enjoy it. Strangely enough, I enjoy it.
Think… and your clarity will be revealed.
Letting go of guilt is essential in human growth. It is essential in motherly growth — it is essential. I think we, as humans, are predestined to believe that children, by nature, are self-absorbed little creatures. They’re not. We learn that untruth over time — just as we learn to be self-absorbed… just as we learn to hang on to guilt.
I’m correcting some parenting mistakes. I’m correcting some lessons learned the wrong way. I’m taking a do-over. My kids are neither self-absorbed or selfish. And mother’s are not meant to be riddled with guilt.
We are mothers. We are women. We are emotional creatures. We are people.