Last night was one of those nights when my bed became the gathering place for my kids. I actually enjoy these nights, periodically. I’m not sure what prompted it… no storms, no bad dreams, no fevers — just a need to gather together. I like watching them as they drift off to sleep. My youngest has a habit of placing her foot in a position so that it barely touches my leg — as if she just needs a slight bit of reassurance that I’m there, with her.
When I was around 11 years old, I began sharing a room with my sister who is just a couple of years older than me (up to that point I had shared a room with my brother, I’ll skip those stories — they involve smelly shoes). We have always been complete opposites in our looks, our personalities, our interests. We were constantly reminding people that we were sisters. She was always soft-spoken, shy, nice, vulnerable — people were drawn to her, to protect her. I was, well… the opposite. I was outspoken, witty, never shy, always the first on the dance floor, never in need of protection.
We had twin beds that were parallel to each other in our room. We would laugh ourselves to sleep very often — comparing our days… our differences were minute to us. But very often, when she was just on the verge of sleep, my sister would hold her hand out across the span between our beds and insist that I grab hold just until she was asleep. I reluctantly complied — usually. Once she was asleep, I let go and drifted off myself. I actually liked holding her hand.
I don’t know what it is about human touch — why it’s so important. I often think about children who grow up in environments that are not nurturing, that don’t promote touch — hugs, hand holding… all absent. It must be incredibly stifling to live in such a world. Painful even.
My sister and I aren’t that different anymore. She has learned to be out-spoken and strong while I’ve learned to be a little vulnerable and hold on to a friend’s hand when needed. A simple human connection can be all that’s needed to steady a shaky composure… to quiet a wandering mind… to calm an underlying tension.
So, I like those nights when I can provide that for my kids. Once in a while, a simple connection can assist in a much-needed sleep. Once in a while, a simple connection is all that you need.
So, by now you’ve discovered my love of the word breathe and my need to be reminded to “just breathe”. This incredible visual art representation of the word, by the incredibly talented Judy Clement Wall, helps me remind myself. I also am a fan of Kahlil Gibran — thought you might enjoy this poem.
If everyone had a mom like you the world be be a much better place…
Well, I know some kids that might argue that point. But, I’m learning to embrace all of my “messy”, including being a flawed mother. It’s the only way we learn.
Thanks Mary!
Great post. It reminded me of a HomeForum piece by Polly Furth in the Christian Science Monitor April 12, 2010. Here’s the URL
http://www.csmonitor.com/The-Culture/The-Home-Forum/2010/0415/What-goes-unsaid-a-mother-and-daughter-s-oblique-communication
Have you ever submitted to CSMonitor’s HomeForum? You should. You have the right topics, right touch.
Thank you for the great comment Linda! I will go check out that piece right now — thanks for sharing.
Lovely. Human touch is so critical to us all – a six second hug lowers blood pressure – did I hear that on Twitter? Am I making it up? I don’t know, but I’ve heard it somewhere and I believe it. We are emotional creatures, we require the company and touch of others to sustain ourselves. I agree with Mary – if all mom’s were like you – we would live a much better place. Thanks B! xo
You probably heard that on twitter, maybe here…I wrote I post about hugs. It’s true!
Thank you for such a great comment — again, my kids would probably argue that point… but that’s what they are supposed to do, right?
Thanks!!
Your kids may argue the point, but the proof is that they still want to hang out with you… 🙂
Ok — I will take that!
The fact that your children can come to you at anytime assured of their welcome speaks loudly of your relationship with the
m and their complete trust and love for you. You may not realize it, Becky, but you are constantly creating wonderful memories for your children. Memories of their chilodhood that will give them strength when life gets difficult and belief in themselves that they can do anything. All that comes from the knowledge that they are loved unconditionally. What fortunate kids they are to have you in their corner.
Well thank you for such great thoughts!
Sweet.
Thank you!
Beautiful post Becky. Loved the poem too. The benefit of touch should be shouted from every media top there is, songs should be sung, better examples on TV and posts like this one to inspire.
Thank you Sue — that is a very nice thing to say.
Touch, hugs, kisses, saying “I love you” out loud ~ you know that to me these are the most important things in life that one can do, b. I know that they all stayed with my daughter, because she is the same way with her children. Now my grandchildren are carrying it forward. If I do nothing else in my life, I will be happy knowing I have loved and been loved. You are an amazing woman and mother. It is such a joy to watch you evolving. I am grateful to you for sharing your journey and your wisdom. And I love you! *biggest squishiest hug* d
Thank you Dani! Big hug. I think it’s great that you are leaving a legacy for your grandchildren!
Reading your posts is often like being rocked on gentle, peaceful waves. Thank you.
Thank you — that’s the perfect compliment I think!
Sorry it took me so long to catch up. So glad I did. Your words are really a comfort to me Becky. Every thing you touch on….the now, the then. The little things like your child’s feet barely touching yours. All of that just takes my breath away. I’m on a journey too, I just can not put it into words though. I am so greatful that you can. ❤
Thank you Joanne — you can put it into words, you just did!
Becky, what a beautiful post. We have those nights, too, when our girls one after another come into our bed, in need of reassurance. When they actually sleep, I enjoy those nights, love the feel of their relaxed little, warm bodies snuggled safely between my husband and me, maybe a hand in my hair. These times pass so quickly until they are too old.
Thank you for reading! Great to see you here. And thank you for the kind words. I find it helps me relax (sometimes) when I watch them drift off to sleep.
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