I heard a story from a friend the other day. She had gone to dinner with a friend she had known for some time, the dinner didn’t go too well. There were things she noticed about her friend that night that she didn’t enjoy, perhaps things she had been able to overlook in the past. I’m hoping she writes a story about this dinner — but, it made me think about friends and how we become friends and who we’re drawn to and who we avoid.
I’ve had people come into my life at some very peculiar times, maybe it was times of change and therefore I was beckoning them in — whether it was kindergarten or high school or college or now. People who come in and out of my life because we share something — a laugh, a thought, a cry, a hug. It’s hard to know when to let those people go — or even if you have to. Some, I would say, stay with you forever — it’s meant to be… the friendship the togetherness. Some, I would say, have only a fleeting stay. You grow, you evolve, you move on — sometimes it’s sad, sometimes it’s necessary. Sometimes evolution draws you to a different path and you part ways.
I think we can take comfort in the fact that as you grow and evolve people will be drawn to you because of this — the right people will be drawn to you because of this. Those are the friends that will endure. Those are the friends that you will sit down to dinner with and overlook the loud chewing or the constant motioning for attention from the waiter — those are the friends that will stick to you and you to them.
I’ve had friends in my life that I thought I couldn’t live without — still do actually. Some of them I no longer speak to because of time or distance. Others have stayed in spite of or due to that strange phenomenon called evolution. I’m hoping my evolution will keep them close to me — I know my evolution will keep them close to me. And that gives me comfort. I’m drawn to people for a reason — they shine, they glow, they sparkle, they cry, they fight, they continue to love. That’s who I’m drawn to — that’s who I’m sticking with.
I hope you enjoy this clip from
one of the greatest friendship pairs of all time! I’m pretty sure I’m Carol!
First Pages 
I just read the title and I’m scared. I don’t think I want to know 🙂
Oh good, I thought you were going to tell me I was drawn to scary people:)
You’re drawn to nutty people!
It is odd how people can come and go in your life and it seems we miss some more than others (strangely not in the way you would expect). I have had friends I’ve lost contact with reappear in my life ~ and I’m thankful for that whereas others have faded, despite efforts to prevent this. I have also discovered that I have friends are 1000s of miles away in distance but very close to my heart. Thank you for being one if these people.
And you for me Simon!
I’m glad I was drawn to you (and your hugs) 🙂
I don’t have a lot of long-term friends, in large part due to moving a lot till my mid-20’s {17 schools in 12 states by high school} and my best friend is my daughter. But there have always been people who I feel an instant connection with {you being one of them even before I got up the courage to “speak” to you on Twitter.} As you say, they can come and go, but hopefully we enrich each other’s lives along the way. {{Please, please stick with me despite all of my annoying habits.}} Love you! *big squishy hugs*
Like glue Dani!
Your daughter is lucky to have you — instant connections are very powerful.
What a timely piece this is for me. Over the years, I’ve had friendships that have lasted. Some lapsed and were renewed just within the last few years (thank you facebook!) These work because we accept each other – flaws, differences and all. I love it!
But sadly, I’ve also lost a couple of friends in the last few years due to growing apart or just growing up. It hurts. Man does it hurt. Especially when you are blind sided. But it does make you take a long, hard look into that friendship. Was it really working? Or was I holding onto it because of “what had been”.
I find letting go of the 30 year friendship the hardest – the memories of our childhood, growing up, babies. But our paths took such different directions and sadly it couldn’t sustain those differences. I don’t like it, but I’m having to accept it. As you said…evolution.
As usual – a very thought provoking post!
It is hard T, that’s for sure. But really, when you think about it, the ones who stick around are the ones who are making you whole and who you are, in turn, making whole.
I loved this post and glad that my dinner with friend stimulated your reflections on the evolution of friendships.
Some friendships come and go and others persist, despite the lack of complementary evolution- some persist because of almost 30 years of shared history and a bond of love. My friend drives me bonkers and 75% of the time spent with her I wish I was elsewhere. Bottom line; I love and don’t want to live on the planet with her. I am stuck.
Becky, you are such a find. You are becoming such a dear, dear friend and I so enjoy your very positive and exciting evolution.
Cheers,
Marsha
Absolutely! It’s good to be stuck! And I think having at least one friend in your life that has known you for that long and seen all the changes and all the good and all the bad — is good for us. I have a best friend who I met in kindergarten, 36 years we’ve remained best friends.
I’m stuck on you Marsha!
I have been thinking a lot about friends that I have lost touch with through the years lately as well. It can be a bit of a shock when you then see them again after many years. I remember them as they were then and upon seeing them I think “damn they got old!” Then I realize, They are probably thinking the same about me!
Seriously though… When I moved away from the small town I grew up in, I lost touch with everyone. I never went back for reunions because I hated high school. I had moved into a new school in 8th grade and it was so cliquey that I never really felt a part of it. After awhile I did have a few close friends, but I left them behind with all the bad memories I had of that school.
However, after 30 plus years I have been fortunate to renew the friendships and am grateful to each of them. They never left that small town and now work in the nursing home where my dad died in hospice five years ago and where my mom has lived for the past three years. Because of them, I don’t worry about her care. I may have lost touch with them, but my mother never did. Many of their parents, now gone, were friends of my mom. Because of them, friends I left behind so many years ago, I don’t have to worry about the care she receives.
That’s a great story Mary, and it’s true. I think we have a certain loyalty to those people we grew up with — it’s great that you have that for your mom!
Love this post B! I think I’m drawn to people who are very different from me, yet with whom I share a connection – I don’t know if that makes any sense… I prefer to have a small group of friends and a larger group of acquaintances. I like it when a few people know me well, and I know them. I think I am drawn to people who have a certain vulnerability (that I recognize b/c I do too), but a different vulnerability than mine – it just makes them human. People who seem “perfect” are to me, not really very fun to know, because you never “know” them. Well I’m rambling again this morning – too little sleep as always, but thank you for a great post! I’m glad I’ve ‘met’ you, as you are perfectly the type of person I am drawn to – complex, smart, witty and yes, human (my biggest compliment!). :o)
I really liked writing this post C so thank you for liking it as well! I’m glad I’ve been one of the people you are drawn to — you have a unique ability to draw people to you!
I love that there are so many people who commented here who are also friends of mine. We are drawn to the same folks, Becky (#badassbabes)! You inspire me as do many of the folks who have commented here. So pleased to have met you…
Lisa — you are THE most inspiring person I have known in quite some time — I’m so glad we have connected!
I encourage everyone to read this blog!
http://www.lisabonchekadams.com
Love this post. It’s so true about how some people come into our lives for a very short time and others just move in for good! I’m delighted that you’re “Carol”…It’s the Carol’s of the world who make us laugh…even when we feel like crying and accept us just as we are. It”s the Carol’s who let us know that, if you can’t laugh at youself, life won’t be very easy. I think I would like hanging out with you, Becky.
Thanks Laurette — I think I’ve learned a lot about friendship over the last few months that I hadn’t quite grasped before.
What a nice post. Sometimes people come and go and sometimes they stay. I am so blessed to have three friends from Junior High that are my bestest friends. We have slightly separated, and come together, and moved off, and come back, it is not as if we have been super-duper close all 30 years, but we have not been apart. I picture us walking through a forest on life’s journey and sometimes we are on the same path, sometimes bushes might separate us, or trees, or whatever, but I still hear the footfalls so I know they are there, right there. We keep walking and meet up again.
Since we were 18 we have been getting together for each birthday and Christmas. So for almost 25 years we get together AT LEAST five times a year.
I always marvel at their wonderfulness for having put up with me this long.
This might be sparking a post of my own as it is one’s birthday tomorrow. Hmmmm. (Yeah, I think I have to use my forest idea.)
Thanks for the post!
Yay! You’re here again! I love that — and… a post! How awesome!
I love the concept of walking through the forest (you better hurry up and write that before someone else does!)
I really think friendship is powerful — it can tether you to the real world.
I wish I had the time and concentration to read all the blogs all the time, but there are so many, and I get so distracted. I will be on my way to a blog and . . . . oh look what is that?
I will try to check in more often! WP was squirrely last night so it put me behind.
Friendship is powerful and I love that some can be built even if the people have never actually met and it is all online!
I love that statement Terre, I’ve got some very good friends that I’ve never actually met.
Me, too. In fact J thought I was friends (in person) with someone that I have never met because J sees our communications.
And it is funny because some people I don’t think I will ever get to meet but we will be friends (over the internet), but others, I KNOW I will meet, it is just a matter of time.
(I did post the friends/forest idea.)
You can’t believe how timely your post is for me. I reconnected with one of my very best friends from my darker days the other night. We had talked for years & years though hadn’t seen each other in a very long time. Perhaps it was the anticipation. Perhaps it was my own embellished memories. The reality of today didn’t meet up with the remembrances of yesterday. It was a very awkward dinner for both of us. I hope it hasn’t damaged our friendship but I do think it will be a longer time until we see each other again.
Thanks Becky – great writing
Thanks for reading Swampy! I have a problem with being the me from now when I’m around old friends. I always think I need to be the girl they used to know in high school or college instead of who I am now. But, it’s best to be ourselves and see what happens.
[…] was about friends—good friends help contribute to a happy healthy life. Since then I read a post about people you become friends with and stay friends with and how some friends come and […]