I’ve been thinking about friends… how we meet, how we stay in touch, how we communicate, how we fight, how we make up, how we joke, how we laugh, how we let each other know that we love. I have many connections “in real life”. Friends I’ve known for long periods of time, friends I’ve known very briefly. I was trying to process the way in which we stay in touch. Is it face to face, is it by phone, is it by email or text or Facebook or twitter?
I actually opened my twitter account when my mother was in a hospice house nearing the end of her life (hospice can be a boring place, more on that later). I didn’t understand it and never looked at it — it seemed rather confusing. About four months later, I decided to give it a try again — still, it seemed confusing. But, I looked at it at least once a week and wrote little snippets in 140 characters or less. Then I began to connect with people and laugh and share stories. I would call it friendship.
One of the arguments I’ve heard about twitter and Facebook and texting or other forms of “hands-off” communication is that possibly, the people who communicate primarily this way have an inability to form “in real life” relationships. They have barriers that remain intact due to the lack of “hands-on” contact. That possibly, they lack the ability to form lasting quality relationships. The implication here was that I too was one of those people. So, I thought that maybe this was true. Possibly I was fooling myself into believing “in real life” connections inevitably could not form unless the primary mode of communication is “hands-on”. But, then that meant that not only was I flawed, many others were flawed too.
So, I investigated. I started looking at myself and the friendships I have. And to be perfectly honest, the relationships (mind you there aren’t many but they do exist) I’ve honed on twitter or Facebook have given me a power… a confidence to speak more freely with my “hands-on” friends. I speak to my friends on twitter or Facebook far more frequently than I do my friends I don’t share this connection with. All my friends are “in real life”. The one’s I get to actually sit down to a meal with or watch a movie with aren’t anymore real than the ones I talk with by email or text or twitter or Facebook.
I have a best friend that I’ve known for 36 years. We haven’t seen each other “in real life” in almost three years. We text more often than we talk on the phone. Yet, no one would question our friendship. No one would question the validity of it due to a lack of “hands-on” time.
So, I live “in real life”. I’m not sure where else you can live. And “in real life” I have many friends that I cherish. Many friends who shine a light on me. Many friends who I can sit with on a beach somewhere and watch the waves and talk and be together — “in real life”.
First Pages 
You were the first friend I made on Twitter, the first person I “talked” to. The fact that you were willing to engage in conversation with me surprised and delighted me. Since then, as I have come to know you, I have discovered that you are a truly awesome woman who inspires me, encourages me, cares for me (and many others IRL or otherwise.) “Real life” or not, the feelings of warmth, support and affection that I get from my friendship with you and others in the Twitterverse are very REAL feelings. (Get ready to groan…) I love you, Becky. (How could I not after you gave me mouse ears?) *mushy kisses & squishy hugs* Dani
Thanks Dani! For the record — I think you’re an “in real life” connection.
Hugs back!
A very interesting and thought provoking blog. My experience with twitter has totally astonished me (in a good way). When I started, I used it primarily as another way to keep incontact with “real life” friends. Then I encountered some people who have been wonderful to me and in turn I try to follow thier lead. I dislike those “build up your following” things as I have found that the quality of the people I have been fortunate to encounter is the important thing. The “hands off” comments that others have made in criticism to twitter have REALLY MISSED OUT. I have befriended people who have really touched my heart, which I never would have otherwise. Thank you for such a thought provoking post.
I think people who don’t understand it are missing out as well Simon. Friendships are real — I guess it doesn’t matter what mode they originally took shape from.
Thanks for commenting! Glad to see you here!
Great post B! I love “So, I live “in real life”. I’m not sure where else you can live.” these sentences say it all. I so agree with you in terms of Twitter, I feel like I’ve really met some great people on Twitter, that I would not have been able to, just because of geographic issues, that and approaching a total stranger at the store with a joke would be a little weird. ;o) Anyway – as usual a very nice well phrased post. I love it!
It’s so hard to explain to people who don’t understand it. Really, it’s impossible to explain.
Thanks C!!
Many of my ‘virtual’ friends actually know more of the true me than my ‘real life’ friends do. In my blog, I have posted some VERY revealing things. Things I have never told another soul. And somehow by revealing these things (and receiving validation for my feelings) has helped heal a lot of long buried issues.
That comment is exactly my point Lori. You and I connected more in blogs and facebook than we did when we were in school together, which now, hopefully, will lead to other connections (yes, I’m totally hoping you have another bonfire party soon!).
Me too, me too! I couldn’t agree with you more, b. My life is richer, more interesting, more dynamic for the friends I’ve made online. And some of the best are here commenting on your blog. Love you guys! And of course, you, b.
Real life is pretty fun j! Thanks for being in it with me.
Wife, mother, that’s about all?… not from what I’ve read… add friend and more (cuz “wise woman” might come off as too boastful, even though it’s true 🙂
I am, at this moment, a new visitor smiling and finding my way here from a twitter page somehow related to craig ferguson 🙂
Wow! Thank you! And glad Craig Ferguson led you here!
Lovely post! Was forwarded to me by a friend on Twitter. I have many “real world” friends, but have some amazing connections via social media. Some of those relationships are of course fickly, but by and large, I’ve found a network on Twitter and Facebook that fulfills me in a profound way. I’ve met many of my Twitter friends, those relationships are now starting to bloom outside of the virtual world. I think it’s safe to say online friends are “real world friends” too.
Thank you for taking the time to read this! How great that you have connected with virtual friends in
the real world as well.
Hope to see you more!