So, I have to ask, “what’s so wrong with a puffy face?”
If you haven’t had a chance to read the article by Ashley Judd, go ahead and read it now… I’ll wait.
I realize that the nature of the article that Ashley Judd wrote was in defense of the accusations against her regarding plastic surgery. Her thoughts are absolutely on point. The conversation about the way women look is perpetuated by us… women. And why is that? Why have we grown accustomed to being mean to each other, to pointing out the physical flaws in each other with vigor.
We accuse a beautiful woman of being too beautiful and so we don’t like her.
We accuse someone who wears her age on her face of needing to do something about it and so we don’t like her.
If you’re confident in your physical appearance, you’re vain.
If you’re humble in your physical appearance, you’re weak.
And who’s speaking the loudest… our “friends”, our friends are often the worst.
So what if Ashley Judd had plastic surgery? So… what.
She didn’t, however, she had taken steroids for an illness. As my, more than beautiful friend Kelly Bergin points out in her recent article in The Daily Beast… steroids can be a bitch. You never know what someone else is facing.
Plastic surgery, an illness, a life lived hard… so why propagate this maddening conversation revolving around women and their looks. We are affecting the younger versions of ourselves, the girls who are watching it all from the metaphorical sidelines with a nervous anxiety, hoping that this is not what it’s like to be a woman in our world. After all, they are already experiencing this in middle school… at what age do we all just shut up about it?
Why the rush to judge, to critique, to criticize? This misogynistic behavior isn’t just being bolstered by men — we are doing it to each other.
Here’s the thing… Ashley Judd is beautiful, but even more stunning than her physical appearance, as she showed in this conversation she’s leading us in, she is damn intelligent.
Would it have been so bad if she had plastic surgery? Would she have automatically become a fraud? Would it have made us, the rest of us, feel good about ourselves for a brief nanosecond?
What if Ashley Judd would have said, “yes, I’m puffy, I’ve gained weight, I’m 43, let me see your cellulite!” Would that have been the end of the world? Do we need an excuse to explain our outward appearance?
Here’s a truth. I’ve had three c-sections, three. Do you have any idea what having three c-sections does to a woman’s body? There are areas on my abdomen that will never be flat or taut or look anywhere close to a washboard. Quite frankly, I’m waiting anxiously for that day to come when my bladder completely fails me and I can have it tacked back up… because, when they’re in there, I am having them tuck in my tummy and take as much away as medically possible. And I don’t really care who knows, it’s what I want to do… it’s my body.
My body that wakes me up every morning.
My body that goes from plank to chaturanga about 99 times a day.
My body that sends a mesmerizing feeling all the way to my toes when my lips press against another’s.
My body that makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up when it knows danger is approaching.
My body that gave life to three humans.
My body that bounced back after a miscarriage.
My body that keeps my feet moving forward on all the switchbacks in my favorite hike.
My body that cartwheeled a car off a mountain and walked away.
My body that swims in the ocean.
My body that makes my heart beat quicken when I look in his eyes.
My body that finally allows me to fall asleep.
My body that wraps my arms around someone in a tight hug.
My body that runs that extra mile.
My body that loves me and never gives up on me.
So, is my puffy face unforgivable if it’s because I’ve gained some weight? Do you feel like an ass when you find out my puffy face is because I’m very ill? Will you laugh behind my back because I decided to have plastic surgery on my puffy face? Does my puffy face make you feel better about your puffy face or your puffy stomach or your puffy bum?
I’m not Mother Theresa on this issue, I’ve laughed and snickered and questioned other women’s appearances. But, here’s what I know, I’m tired of being in competition with the rest of the world in regards to my physical appearance, that only puts me in competition with my own body… my body and I are a team, we shouldn’t be competing against one another. The more I get to know my body, the more I realize all the things it does for me everyday. The more I learn to listen to it and trust it… the better care I take of it. I hope, as I’m older now and wiser, that I continue to learn just how magnificent my body is… it does so much for me everyday.
Like right now… my body is desperately wanting me to stop writing this blog post, get off my puffy ass, and go for a jog — so, I will.
I work out 3 to 4 days a week. I still have a gut, why? Because im shaped like my dad. Also, my family eats, well, normally. I dont diet or eat 100 percent healthy.
the point is this, male or female, wanting to look “perfect” is an impossible thought process.
Ashley Judd does nothing for me but she is a very attractive woman in her mid 40s. she should be proud of anything and everything she has going for her because she’s rich enough to maintain it
You, Becky, and I should be happy ebcause we’re smart, we can write our asses off, we’re great parents, and we’re good looking. i thin, right?> we are, correct?
Me and my puffy stuff wonder if you really went for that jog. If so, it reminds us that we need to do that same thing.
And just a little sidebar, the word puffy makes my mind go in the gutter.
I’m trying to think of gutter conversations revolving around “puffy”… I got nothin.
Let’s just say that I almost wrecked my car the first time I passed the restaurant in Franklin called “The Puffy Muffin”.
Hahaha!
Yes… that would do it.
And I would like to go on record as thinking, when I first saw her ‘puffy face’, that she looked like she was on steroids. My Mom used to call it her ‘Moon Face’ when she was all puffy from the steroids used in fighting her brain tumor.
Exactly… we never know someone else’s circumstance. And even if there wasn’t an “excuse”, it’s still not okay to be rude.
Becky,
thank you – you are helping to pull me out of a slump – your writing always amazes me – it is refreshing, honest and screams of Caring and concern.
Somedays, I just want to hop away to the moon or some obscure commune.
It seems somedays that it is just too much to be in this world.
Then I decide to check in to Twitter, there are tears in the corners of my eyes, my heart feels anxious – I am determined to get through this day. And ‘lo, there she is, our Darling Becky, with a new post.
And I read, I relax, I realize that someone needs to stick around to help stop this nonsense that we, among the multiudes, have perpetuated.
And I feel a new direction, a new purpose and it all fits in nicely with what is needed from all of us – to truly love ourselves just as we are – to see our own light and the light of others.
Thank you, Becky – putting my armour on and am going to tilt more than windmills.
You have a special gift. thank you for sharing. xo
I just don’t even know how to respond to this… It’s overwhelming, the support and kindness and caring from you.
Thank you so very much… this, you… this is why I wanted a blog in the first place. To try to convey my message, to try to conceive of my message, to become a better me.
Read & absorbed with great enthusiasm…
Yay! Thank you.
Great post. I’m a male with a lifetime of being overweight. Then I heard a wonderful song called “Fat.” There was a line that changed the way I looked at it. Referring to the constant haranguing of being fat, the song says “that’s no way to spend the only life I’ve got.”
At 48 years old I’ve come to grips with my fat body, and I’m mostly ok with it. I’ve exactly one person in the world who loves this body, and it’s my plan to have her outlive me – which she probably will (her mom is 74 and my dad died at 64).
From AbFab
Edwina: Inside of me there is skinny person trying to get out!
Her mother: Just the one?
Love your beautiful body –
Moskowitz (who in profile looks like Wyzowski from Monsters, Inc.)
I think the body image problems are definitely a male and female thing. I’m learning that as a mother, actually, of two girls and a boy. I see many of those insecurities in my son… they don’t look the same on him as they do me and my daughter, but they’re there.
Thank you for this Moskie!!
I ask myself so often why we are so unsupportive on one another and usually come up with the answer that it has something to do with lack of self-acceptance, insecurity or even self-loathing. There are many wise considerations in this post, Becky.
Thank you. We, as women, do too much attacking of each other. We should be so much more supportive — as you are. Thank you!
Ahh, I like this so much! Don’t ever stop being yourself, be proud of who you are and who cares if you have puffy jowls, a puffy tummy or even a puffy butt. I can’t exercise anymore, my RA makes lots of things impossible for me anymore, but I don’t let that get me down. I do what I can when I can and laugh as I do it. I always joke with my son and my nieces that if I ever fell from a roof or a tree I’ve only to put my arms out and like a flying squirrel, with the extra flap of skin under it little arms, I’d glide effortlessly to the ground. After countless surgeries, and a complete hysterectomy due to cancer I now have what looks like an extra butt on my stomach. Nothing to be ashamed, but I laugh when my nieces say it’s my battle scarred butt. I guess it is.
Instead of using our time to put other women down, because of their beauty or lack of, we need to start looking at the beauty inside those women and remember that pointing out what we consider their flaws will just make the ugliness in us shine brightly for all to see. Maybe I wear rose-colored glasses all the time, but I prefer to see the beauty in everyone. The women I meet on the street, in the grocery aisle; wherever. I find that we both smile happily when I point out how beautiful their smile is or I tell them, “I love your hair,” or I love your dress.” I’ll keep doing things my way and and I’ll always have a genuine smile on my face.
Wonderful post Becky. Be blessed.
Exactly, it’s such an important discussion and one I feel very passionate about. Thank you for adding to my train of thoughts.