“Each has to enter the nest made by the other imperfect bird.” – Rumi
I think I’m possibly messed up — you know, in that way that you think you’re thoughts are far more different from the thoughts of those around you so you tell them that you think you’re messed up hoping that the response is a hearty, “Yes! You are messed up — but no more than the rest of us.” And when you hear that… it makes it all okay, because we’re all messed up and we’re all clinging to each other in hopes of something, anything to get us through.
My thoughts, lately, have settled on this concept of “letting go”. When ever I hear people say this, they say it with such nonchalance, with such disregard — with more matter-of-fact to their voice then I think anyone who has actually had to contemplate this concept would ever dream of using. Letting go is never just that.
We travel through this life and we meet people and we experience joy and shame and embarrassment and exuberance — we experience everything that makes our lives worth living. We take these experiences as they come and we sort through the ones that might bear repeating and we toss the ones that were less than appealing. But that’s the experiences — those are easy to let go and process and move away from.
The people who come in to our lives throws this concept of sorting through the good and the bad somewhere out in to the wind on a stormy day. I’ve never been one to hang-on to people. When I knew a relationship had run its course or had run me down — I let go… easily. Then, without hesitation, I would always shut down — completely… no way in, no way out. To me, letting go meant letting go of the actual person — never just letting go of the bad feeling or the wrong encounter or the moment in time that came between us. Letting go was final. Permanent. So, I would shut down… retreat back in to whatever protective shell I had managed to maintain while I was testing the waters of human connection. A delicate balance of standing in the middle of a stampeding herd of oncoming emotions and jumping behind the barrier of a stony heart.
Now, as should be the case as we learn to experience and learn to grow and learn to contribute to those around us, I have been attempting to come to some type of understanding between the need to let go, the need to hang on, and the need to not shut down — the gray area… knowing what to let go of and what to hang on to. Letting go does not have to be all-inclusive. Letting go can be as refreshing as a deep breath after trying to prove you can swim from one end of a pool to the other, underwater. If we let go of the right things… the feelings, the thoughts, the moments that break us, then we learn, we evolve, we continue to assemble the puzzle that is us. Hanging out in the gray area sifting through it all — that’s where the power is… there, in the gray area.
We learn, we evolve, we accept our own short-comings and we hold ourselves up to a mirror to recognize the need for change. Shutting down is easy, complete, absolute — wash your hands and move on. To not shut down is a true sign of growth. So I’m sitting here… letting go of the right things and hanging on to the right things and taking a giant step away from a stony heart — I’m sitting in the middle of the gray area. I’m messed up. I’m letting go, but I’m not shutting down.
I am amazed at how much you remind me of myself.
Then I am in the best of company.
Learning to let go has been a huge lesson. I’m much more inclined to hang on and hang on tight in many situations. As for the gray area, contentment can be absolutely be found there, between extremes. Or so I hear. xx
Between extremes must be a nice place — trying to stay there more often.
Thank you Kathleen.
Wow!
You amaze me. this life amazes me – ya know the old adage about when one is ready for the lesson the teacher will appear…
‘ to not shut down is a true sign of growth ‘
‘jumping behind the barrier of a stony heart’
You help me to see, you do.
What great writing. thank you for your brave & honest voice.
xo
Thank you for coming here and commenting!
This one, I have actually been thinking over for several days. Many things going on in my world lead me in different directions, people i think I need but maybe they let go of me. Coming to terms with that has been hard, impossible at times — maybe a post on being the one who was let go is up next.
When the wind blows really, really hard, when the storm is dark and ugly, it’s pretty natural to want to turn around and show it your back. But there’s something liberating about leaning forward instead, into the wind, spreading arms and letting all that malicious natural ferocity hold you up. It’s like, if all the storm can do, at it’s worst, is make it feel a bit like I’m flying, then that’s nothing to be afraid of.
I learned this from matching mimes and seagulls.
Beautiful, Becky.
That’s a great thought Michael — I think I’ll try that more often, “spreading arms and letting all that malicious natural ferocity hold you up.” ~~~ I love that actually.
Thank you for coming here and reading and commenting and reading more than the words say — that’s the best part.
I would have thought the title would have been Letting go and not shutting down.
Letting go can be applied to so many things. This is a nice form of letting go. Well said. Thank you for sharing.
Well, I think since it’s still a work in progress, I thought it should be shutting down — maybe to remind myself and anyone else that we shouldn’t shut down. Sometimes it’s a daily internal battle.
Letting go is never just that.
Thank you Terre!
“To not shut down is a true sign of growth.” Very important words. I am writing them down so that I never forget them. Thank you Becky.
Thank you Joanne.
That is a great compliment.
Thank you for reading and being present.
writing THEM down. Oh my.
Michael what a fabulous line
“I learned this from matching mimes and seagulls.”
Becky…life, poured out in words…shared hearts meet upon the page exchanging ways…we each cope and build hope in our lives…
getting to the moment of placing everything down that we hold….and I mean everything…then starting again ..picking up only the things that we want and need is a wonderous eyeopening thing.
Every day things come to us…and every day we each make the choice of what to be aware of, and react to, and what we hold close to us affects how we react.
wonderful post Becky…. amazed at how much every day
more wonder flows…. thanks for being some of it :~)
Thank you June.
I have thought about this so much lately… it fills my thoughts sometimes.
It absolutely affects the way we react and live… each day.
Thank you for coming here and saying I’m part of the wonders that flow — that’s beautiful.
Thanks, Luna. I figured even mimes need some lovin’.
That made me laugh!
Wow, so true Becky, knowing the right things to let go of and to hold on to is a challenge, and letting go is never as easy as many people make it sound, even when it’s the right thing to do.
And no, shutting down is never the answer!
Hugs!
Happy Halloween
Yes… I think, through much ruminating, that letting go needs to begin with the moments in time… not the whole person. It can be devastating to be let go, so… thinking it through, thinking about the things that really need to go away… the person or the moment — most often it will be the moment.
Thank you.
Very interesting insight and indeed profound analysis of human relationships. Life is never black and white but really shades of gray which then act as a counterbalance to the colours which permeate our lives from time to time. At a time of many banal mantras and trite ‘success’ exortations on twitter, your blog is a fine counterbalance and a breadth of fresh air. Congratulations.
Wow. Thank you for that.
I think, and have heard before as well, that life is in the gray areas.
That’s where I am — I hope.
I think you’re right about the grey area- it’s one of the hardest places to be, yet also one of the most important ones. It means you have to be aware and uncertain and a bit uncomfortable, I think, which is where growth happens. A great post.
Thank you Melissa. I love the idea of being aware and uncertain and a bit uncomfortable — that’s it exactly. And what we do there, in the gray area, is growth.
Thanks for being here!